Slurping Shit in Foxboro: A Gut Wrenching Ordeal

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Tom Brady and James White

Sunday night, the Green Bay Packers’ deficiencies were clearly exposed yet again. What makes it most painful is the number of juxtapositions between the Packers and New England Patriots; the differences that simultaneously make us superior and yet still fall way, way short.

I really hate the Patriots, for many different reasons and I am not alone. But the very thing I love the Packers the most for, our beautiful and elegant uniforms and our exemplary, classic oval G symbol is what I hate I about the Patriots. Their uniforms are ugly and that Flying Elvis looks like a bank logo. Not the logo of a great, historical team, but a fucking bank or maybe an insurance company. And it is this unsightly eyesore — this more vulgar picture — that we are bested by.

As much as any other reason, this is why the Packers should be the dynasty and not this insufferable band of pukes. Throw in the Packers history with Curly Lambeau and Vince Lombardi, and the consideration that there should not even be a franchise in a small town like Green Bay. Watching this travesty should turn anyone’s stomach.

Even more gut wrenching was the gushing, over-the-top praise for the Patriots that never stopped throughout the broadcast. It culminated in the most outrageous visual denoting Green Bay as the Titletown for the last century and Foxboro the Titletown for this century.

Worst of all, and this is truly a crime against all Packers fans, the opportunity to stop the Patriots or any other team from overtaking the Packers has all but passed. But it was an opportunity open to us for over 20 years: an opportunity now all but closed. As we all know, the Green Bay Packers have had two of the greatest quarterbacks back to back, with all but two championships to show for it. Shame and eternal shame!

The wasted seasons of 1997-98 and 2003-04 limited Brett Favre to just one championship and now the brain trust at 1265 Lombardi Avenue is wasting an even better quarterback in Aaron Rodgers. Both 2011 and 2014 were real opportunities that were squandered. And it seems clear now that the bad juju from the collapse in Seattle lingers on, with its nexus in Lance Easley and the Fail Mary. Mike McCarthy, in hindsight, ought to have been dismissed then, just as John Fox was dismissed from Denver after the disastrous Super Bowl loss. And of course it turns out that once Hall of Fame caliber general manager Ted Thompson had declined sharply in health in 2014.  Many on the inside knew about it, but failed to act for three years. Now, general manager Brian Gutekunst is faced with the gargantuan task of compensating for three lost draft classes in his bid to build a roster capable of winning more championships in the latter half of Rodgers’ career.

In this same timeframe, the Patriots have won two more Super Bowls. Any chance of catching them is lost. If we are lucky they will win no further and the Packers will win one more equaling five overall, but Packers fans deserve better. We have better uniforms — our uniforms exude beauty, class, tradition and history. We have Lambeau Field. We have the tradition and history that is the groundwork on which the Packers are founded, without which a team could never exist in a town like Green Bay. But rather than return to this history and tradition of excellence of Green Bay Packers football, all of us are left to wonder what could have been.

All of this unpleasantness was made open and obvious for all to see, on national television, with talk of the Greatest of All Time, a new Titletown not in reference to our Green Bay Packers, but in reference to one of the most vile, ugly entities on the planet. Yet further shame and embarrassment heaped on TWO lost dynasties that were in the Packers grasp, but fleeted away.

About The Author

Just a Packers fan and native Seattleite left stranded in New York City, and apparently suffering from post traumatic stress disorder from the near disaster in New Orleans in January of 2010. Bleeds Green and Gold through and through. Listens to indie and hardcore industrial and aggrotech music, and thus would much rather hear Headhunter by Front 242 or Front Line Assembly's "Mindphaser" than "Celebrate" or "I Gotta Feeling" in the fourth quarter, or any time.

14 Comments on "Slurping Shit in Foxboro: A Gut Wrenching Ordeal"

  1. Icebowl

    Herr Wolf.

    Respectable historical piece albeit w A bit too much hater in it for my taste.

    I was encouraged that you actually praised, the much maligned #4 a number of times, even by name.

    Your therapy is showing signs of success. The true recovery will be evident when you remove the line :
    “…..apparently suffering from post traumatic stress disorder from the near disaster in New Orleans in January of 2010….” from your bio. Lol

    Go pack

    • Lawrence Kolcz

      Well said, we should have never ever let Holmgren get away, we would have as many super bowl appearances as the Patriots. McCarthy is a joke, when he hides his mouth with the game plan sheet, all he’s saying is Aaron throw the ball!!! Rodgers has maybe 2-3 years left, and still don’t have a QBs, backing him up or for the future. Can we get Mike out of retirement???

      • Empacador

        Unfortunately, Holmgren was never going to stay in Green Bay because he wanted to be a head coach and a GM. Which turned out bad for him as he sucked as a GM in Seattle. And Ron Wolf could have done more his last few years as GM.

        He could have promoted Andy Reid to HC rather than insist he needed a HC with experience, which brought the Ray Rhodes experience to town. Reid would have been able to keep Favre in check. Or Wolf could have told Holmgren he would have considered Holmgren as GM since Wolf was only a couple years away from retirement, instead of hiring Mike Sherman and giving Sherman both jobs. Wolf could have also not mailed in his last draft by picking gems like Jamal Reynolds, Bhawoh Jue, Bill Ferrario and David Martin.

      • Deepsky

        Holmgren’s offense was far more predictable than McCarthy’s. I could almost call out the plays before they happened.

  2. KILLER

    All right, that is it. Green Bay is no longer “Title Town”. It is now “Entitlement town”.

    So entitled! Feel like you deserve to win and should always win. Entitled, entitled, entitled.

    Reasons for feeling this way? You won in the deep dark past and therefore should win now and in the future. Silly.

    Other reason? Uniforms. Even MORE silly.

    Those “titles” previous to the Super Bowl era? Guess what? No one cares. They don’t matter. Winning a title back when there were 8 teams, the ball was thrown three times per game, and the fastest player ran a 4.8 has zero relevance to anything let alone victories today. They don’t count. Give it up.

    The uniforms? Are you sh*tting me? If they WERE the best uniforms ever it makes no nevermind. It’s the players in the uniform and the coaches coaching those players. This isn’t “Bedknobs and Broomsticks” with magically animated uniforms going to battle with a Nazi landing shore party in England.

    If it WERE about the uniforms the Packers would be 1-7 or so. 0-8 would be the Browns. Packers uniforms are some of the ugliest in existence. Sure, they help sell some Sprite and 7-Ups but those colors are weak. The green is the same shade as the mold that grows on cheese. While that is somehow quite appropriate, almost poetic, it is not an attractive color.

    They are also barren of creativity. A “G”? Are you sh*tting me? Well, no, you are not. What else, what choice, was there? A diagram of a woman with a hairnet placing a giant round of cheese into a cardboard box???

    And the stadium! Holy reality disconnect!! It is one of the worst, perhaps THE worst, stadiums in the NFL. Many colleges have better.

    Calling Green Bay “Title Town” is just as arrogant and misguided as calling the Dallas Cowboys America’s Team. Both teams and owners (Jerry Jones + Packer fans) are living in a world of self-deception where arrogance is a virtue and alleged tradition is a bigger asset than hard work and wise decisions.

    So, if you value accuracy, just call Green Bay “Entitlement Town”.

  3. TyKo Steamboat

    “We have prettier uniforms!”
    Its like something a 35 y.o. cat owning woman all hopped-up on birth control would write on pintrist or something… really the Broncos, Eagles & Jaguars are far uglier than the Patriots IMHO & at least they’re not purple like the ViQueens

    If anything, the coolest fact about the organization is the fans “own” the team & it’s the only pro sports organization that way.

    The big obstacle the Packers face is getting young, black free agents to come to Green Bay Wisconsin where it’s cold, quiet & there is a state tax. Packers need to overpay for free agents. That’s why draft picks have always been especially precious to us, moreso than others & why we tried to accumulate them rather than free agents.

  4. Deepsky

    Let’s add to this the fact that the Patriots cheated for many of those Super Bowls and the NFL covered it up. The NFL covered it up because they didn’t want the press to find out they were too stupid to figure it out. Even in the last Super Bowl against the Eagles they were again accused of cheating.

    The NFL punished the Patriots for cheating, but that’s just what is known. I’m convinced the Patriots continue to steal signals from other teams but the NFL has no clue. The NFL hired a couple of goof balls with little or no cryptography experience to create the encryption for the headsets and the Patriots hired smarter guys from MIT, located 30 miles away from Gillette Stadium, to break the encryption real time. Look up MIT and encryption and Kerberos, for instance to see MITs involvement with cryptography. Go to Linkedin to see how many MIT graduates work for the Patriots. What do you think Brady is referring to when he talks about the Patriots “exhaustive knowledge” of opposing defenses? How many times have we heard the opponents headsets going out when they play the Patriots? That’s a man in the middle attack being implemented.

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