I’ll be honest with you. I am much more excited about the Milwaukee Brewers than I am about the Green Bay Packers, right now.
Look, I’ll be excited about the Packers later on, when they start handing Aaron Jones the rock 20 times a game and it’s 20 degrees outside.
Right now, I am about MVP Christian Yelich, Locaine (he needs some, you know what I mean), A Game Wade, Formerly Racist Josh Hader and the Brew Crew.
There have always been two things I’ve wanted to see in sports before I die. A Packers’ Super Bowl win — got two of those (need more) — and a Brewers’ World Series win.
If the Bucks happen to win a title, which I don’t expect, that would be gravy. If the Badgers finally break through, which they almost did a couple times, hell, that would be amazing. Doesn’t matter if it’s football or basketball.
I will celebrate those moments. Shit, I almost cried when Ron Dayne plowed over whatever asshole to blow past the rushing record in 1999.
People want to pretend Wisconsin doesn’t matter. Yeah, it’s not California. And yeah, I live in California. But Wisconsin is something else. I don’t know how many ignorant fuckers have asked me what cities are in Wisconsin.
“Well, Chicago, you dipshit!”
When someone from Wisconsin wins, say, the World Series, then everyone has to take notice.
“What? Where is Wisconsin?”
“Oh, oh yeah… I always knew that…”
Anyway, I’m watching the Brewers handle the Colorado Rockies today. And yes, I am talking about the National League Central Division champion Brewers, you scumbag Cubs fans. That team.
But tell me more about Javy Baez!
Here’s a fact. Did you know that turd has the very MLB logo that is on the back of all MLB jerseys tattooed on the back of his neck?
Niiiiiiiiiiiiice, bro!!! Sweet tat, bro!
Alright, now let’s put our hats on backwards and go roofie some women down by the Loop!
Okay, so here’s another thing I don’t like.
Do you know which team leads the league in Horseface?
It shouldn’t surprise you.
Their logo is a goddam Horseface.
Yes, the Denver Horsefaces.
They actually have two Horseface Hall of Famers.
Sterling Sharpe’s less talented brother and Horseface himself.
So, I was surprised that Horseface had time to do something other than fucking up the Denver Horsefaces. But there was Horseface sitting next to Front Row Amy — who you will probably know only by her tits — at game 2 of the NLDS. And he’s wearing his old jersey!