Quite a few people have been talking about how the Green Bay Packers saved their season by coming back to beat the San Francisco 49ers on Monday night.
I’ve got some real news for you. If the Packers can’t throttle a team as injury-riddled as the 49ers, who are now starting C.J. Beathard at quarterback, they’re not worth a shit anyway.
The Packers are 3-2-1. Realistically, they should be 4-2, but whatever. What we’ve seen from this Packers’ unit thus far inspires this much confidence.
I hope you’re not waiting for any sort of confidence declaration. You’re not getting any.
But hell, let’s get on with it.
Outside Linebackers = Flaming Pile Of Garbage
Or maybe a tire fire. I’m not quite sure. Let’s start here.
Here’s where Clay Matthews’ career ended. pic.twitter.com/gg3EAXBaHv
— Mike Cole (@MikeColeNESN) October 16, 2018
Let’s look at Clay Matthews’ stats this year. He has 16 tackles and 1.5 sacks. His first full sack of the season came against the 49ers.
The Packers outside rush has been a notorious piece of crap this year, however. I railed on Nick Perry after the game for doing jack shit. Some astute observer says, well, he knocked down three passes.
Yeah? You know what else he did?
Not a goddam thing! No tackles. No sacks.
Let’s look at Nick Perry’s stats. He has 19 tackles and… wait for it… 1.5 sacks this season!
Here you have two assholes making a combined $25 million annually. And through six games they have combined for three sacks.
But please, tell me more about passes batted down. Because that’s what pass rushers get overpaid for.
Oh, and let me just throw this in. PFF grades for Packers edge rushers:
- Reggie Gilbert: 62.5
- Kyler Fackrell: 62.3
- Nick Perry: 58.4
- Clay Matthews: 51.9
Chances the Packers re-sign Matthews after this season: 2 percent. Chances Perry’s deal, which runs through 2021, was a colossal shitdick move by Ted Thompson: 99 percent.
Here’s another telling statistic. Perry and Fackrell played the same number of snaps against San Francisco: 29. Was Perry injured? Hard to believe this is the case, but not to our knowledge.
Passing Me By
Yeah, I’m going to put this here again.
It was assumed that Kyle Shanahan was screwed without Jimmy Garoppolo. And then he walked into Lambeau Field and totally outcoached Gravy Head Mike McCarthy. How is this possible, you might wonder.
One of these guys has a quarterback named C.J. Beathard. The other one has a quarterback named Aaron Rodgers.
Some of you don’t like it when I refer to McCarthy as Gravy Head or Buffoon. Well, go fuck yourself. That Gravy Headed Buffoon, along with his defensive coordinator Mike Pettine, had no answer for what Kyle Shanahan brought to the table.
Take note of this. C.J. Beathard has eight career starts. Career record: 1-7. He has ten total touchdowns and 11 total interceptions.
Numbers against the Packers on Monday night?
Beathard was 16-of-23, threw for 245 yards, had a 10.7 average per pass, 2 TDs, 1 pick and a 115.3 rating. That rating is slightly less than 15 points higher than Rodgers’ rating on the night.
I briefly thought to myself, man, it’s going to suck if the Packers fire McCarthy because then Pettine is going to be gone too. Now, I give no shits.
The Packers need some fresh blood to scheme something that hasn’t been on the damn books for 20 years somewhere.
The Running Game Finally Has Its Day
To think Gravy Head would be able to comprehend running the football appropriately. At this point, Buffoon is just purposely doing the opposite of what he should to spite people. Last week, the local soda jerks were questioning McCarthy about the very obvious and appropriate thought that he should give Aaron Jones the ball more. You know, the guy who is picking up first-down yardage and more by just touching the ball twice. Jones is now averaging 5.9 yards per carry on the season.
Well, HOW DARE YOU QUESTION A HIGHLY-SUCCESSFUL FOOTBALL COACH SUCH AS MYSELF?!?!?!?!
It’s getting pointless to belabor this as we have week after week. There will be no stopping the Gravy Head Buffoon. Logic be damned!
But here are the important numbers.
Aaron Jones: eight runs, 41 yards. Jamaal Williams: six runs, 29 yards. Ty Montgomery: four runs, 12 yards.
- Williams: 27
- Montgomery: 26
- Jones: 19
Gotta have something to do with pad level. We’re certain.
Davante Adams Is Becoming Elite
It’s weird to use the word elite to describe a guy we pretty recently called Dropvante. However, there’s really no other way to look at it.
Adams has put up huge games the past two weeks. Each with at least nine catches. Each with at least 132 yards. Through six games, Adams has 47 catches for 557 yards and six touchdowns.
Adams is sixth in the league in receiving yards, third in receptions and tied for first in touchdowns.
And it isn’t like Adams is doing it all himself either. The Packers had three 100-yard receivers on Sunday (Adams, Jimmy Graham and Marquez Valdes-Scantling) for the first time in 38 years and only the second time in franchise history. The only other such instance happened in 1980, when Eddie Lee Ivery, Paul Coffman and Aundra Thompson all surpassed 100 yards in a game against Tampa.
Obviously, though, with a team-high 16 targets and 10 catches on Monday, Aaron Rodgers is looking for Adams more so than anyone else.
Scoring Efficiency Or Lack Thereof
Hey, it was great that Mason Crosby got back on track. He made all four of his kicks a week after completely shitting the bed.
What is not largely noted is this Packers team sucks at scoring touchdowns in the red zone. They currently have a 50 percent red zone efficiency rating. That has them tied for 21st in the league with — check out this murder’s row — Detroit, Buffalo and San Francisco.
And we’re talking about touchdowns in the red zone here. Not just kicking a damn field goal.
The Packers have largely sucked at scoring touchdowns when having the ball in the red zone all season. And that’s only part of the story. They have had plenty of opportunities with the ball on the opponents’ side of the field, as well. Mostly the same result.
Failure to get into the end zone.
There’s the telling indicator if you’re wondering if this team is legit or not.