The Green Bay Packers get running back Aaron Jones back from his two-game suspension this week. When they activate him, that would require a corresponding roster move. Someone would need to be cut. That guy was cornerback Deante Burton.
#Packers have released CB Deante Burton, the team announced. This creates a spot for RB Aaron Jones, who has been added to the 53-man roster.
— Michael Cohen (@Michael_Cohen13) September 19, 2018
Burton was claimed off waivers from the Atlanta Falcons on September 4. He got five defensive snaps on the season.
And look, here’s where Pro Football Focus looks like a bunch of blathering idiots. Burton (63.7), in his five snaps, was graded higher than Davon House (30.0) — okay, that’s fine, that guy kinda sucks. But! This too: Kevin King (56.3 — fucking no!), Tramon Williams (61.6 — fucking no!) and Josh Jackson (63.1 — fucking no!).
Look, I love looking at their contradictory stats, but hell. On one hand that. On the other hand, this…
— Zachary Jacobson (@ZachAJacobson) September 18, 2018
But let’s still believe Josh Jackson is worse than Deante Burton.
Frankly, we like to look at it, but the only way their shit works is over the course of a season. The whole season.
Otherwise, it’s a bunch of bullshit that goes week to week. And maybe not even that, Cris Collinsworth.
But let’s get to the point here. Aaron Jones is back.
The guy that SHOULD be the Green Bay Packers lead back. But guess what?
You’ll surely be surprised…
“Jamaal (Williams) and Ty (Montgomery) have been playing good football. I understand what Aaron gives us, but his role will be secondary compared to Jamaal and Ty, they’ll be in the first slots,” McCarthy said.
So, Gravy Head, you’re going to make your best running back third-string?
Do you know, if Gravy Head had Bo Jackson… and I’m not talking about actual Bo Jackson, but Tecmo Bowl Bo Jackson… or even, hell, actual Bo Jackson… Gravy Head would still manage to limit either one of those guys to five carries and no more than 50 yards.
Tecmo Bowl Bo Jackson could average 50 yards per carry… and then actual Bo Jackson could go bash two home runs for the Royals and come back and Gravy Head would be like… “Meh, I think Eddie Lee Ivory and his broken knee or Brent Fumblewood with his straight-up running style, or maybe Pookie Workman and his pookie workmanship would be better than this. They’re good at pass blocking and, hell, you guys know I just pretend running the football is important, right guys?”
[Gravy Head looks around in the coaches meeting]
Fat Mike: “I mean we don’t need explosive in the running game! We need explosive in my diarrhea! My wife may be worth more than me, but her food is shit! I need help! [cries] Listen guys, whichever of your wives brings me over a full boat of gravy… and maybe a little bit of mashed potatoes, but listen! Mostly gravy! I like turkey and brown gravy best! But other than gravy, and listen, turkey or brown, please, but I need reliable! I need reliable gravy sources and I need reliable running backs.
Ben Sirmans: “Well, coach, we have three of them, but Jones is the most explosive.”
Fat: “Williams can pick up the blitz! Makes my passing game look fantastic!”
Sirmans: “Yeah, but he sucks donkey dong running the ball. Really. I coached up a guy who is now a felon. He ran for a lot of yards. Jamaal Williams ain’t running for shit! Aaron Jones is your guy! Makes your passing offense that more explosive!”
Fat: “Where is my gravy! [gnaws at Sirmans neck like a zombie, trying to find gravy.]
McCarthy dumps Sirmans body on the ground. He looks up, thrusts his arms in the air and growls, blood running down his face.
“FUCK YOUR RUNNING GAME!” the beast yells, as spectators run.
Well, except for Ahman Green.
And Ryan Grant.
And Dorse The Horse.
And Edgar Bennett.
And China Food.
And John Brockington.
And Terdell Fucking Middleton.
And Jim Taylor.
And Paul Hornung.
And Tony Fucking Canadeo, who ran for 1,049 yards in 1949 in 12 games.
Gravy Head has a guy who can run for 1,000 yards in 12 games. Maybe even the 14 he has left.
Is there anything there besides gravy?