Takeaways From Packers’ Final Preseason Game

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Aaron Jones and Tim Boyle

This is always a futile affair, but more so than watching any other preseason game. The Green Bay Packers didn’t even bring half (or more) of their starters to Kansas City. However, typically no one of consequence plays in the fourth preseason game anyway. And if anyone of consequence does play, they play briefly.

So the Packers lost 33-21. And who cares?

Quick Reactions

Whatever first-team defense the Packers put out there, looked like garbage. They got wasted on the first drive by Wolverine great Chad Henne. Touchdown. The only guy who made a play was cornerback Kevin King, who swatted away a ball in the end zone on said drive. Very well may have been a P.I. call in the regular season, however. I was told that Nick Perry and Jaire Alexander were out there, as well. Did you see them? I didn’t.

Despite their combined three interceptions, I like the backup quarterbacks. DeShone Kizer has the arm that Brett Hundley never had. He’s not afraid to throw it in there. It’s a bit like Brett Favre, although I’m not making that comparison. Point is, Kizer can definitely make the throws. He’s also not afraid to throw it up for a bigger receiver, assuming that receiver can high-point the ball and out jump a shorter cornerback. That’s refreshing because, as great as he is, Aaron Rodgers hardly ever does that. Too risky. And Kizer’s touchdown toss to Geronimo Allison was money.

Tim Boyle? I still don’t know how this guy is better in the NFL then he was in college. But he is. I can see why the Packers want to keep him around. The first two picks on the night were both errant throws — both picked by Armani Watts. Guess what? Right place, right time. Both balls were overthrown and you just happened to be there, dude named after a fashion designer. Boyle’s second pick, he threw into a zone and our old friend Makinton Dorleant undercut the route. Classic rookie mistake, but man, did he fuckin’ rifle that ball in there. Boyle also clearly has the arm. I don’t know why he was crap in college, but I’ll take him now.

Aaron Jones is the man. I know he’s going to be suspended, but Aaron Jones is shifty and fast as hell. Jamaal Williams is a plodder. He’s pulling a plow. He and that plow might run you over, but it’s essentially, as Keith Jackson used to say, three yards and cloud of dust. Behind probably as shitty of an offensive line as could possibly be assembled in the entire NFL, Jones still looked like he might break one at any minute. Nine for 34 on the ground and a touch. Three for 21 in the passing game.

I would plead for Gravy Head to give Jones the starting job when Jones comes back, but I know good old Gravy Head won’t do that. “We need to run the football more!” “We need to run the football effectively!” “Running the ball is key!” We need to get [insert back’s name here] 20+ carries a game!” None of it ever happens. Gravy Head only pays lip service to the running game. He has no damn idea how to utilize it effectively. Never has. Never will. So he will most certainly go with the inferior back when all of the weapons are at his disposal. Because that’s what a Gravy Headed motherfucker and “highly successful football coach” does.

Who’s Up?

Marquez Valdes-Scantling — Three catches for 41 yards. Gravy Head will never use him in the regular season because Gravy Head can only comprehend using three receivers. But here is the deep threat the Packers have been lacking. And he can catch a jump ball. Think about those possibilities. Because I know Fat Mike isn’t. He was spotted in the tunnel well before halftime pouring the contents of a gravy boat down his throat.

Joel Bouagnon — Man, I don’t know if this dude is going to make the roster. Undrafted free agent from Northern Illinois in 2017. Signed by the Bears. Released in August. Was out of football. In swoops our man Gutes and signs dude in January. I couldn’t even tell you how to pronounce his name. That said, all I do is see the dude produce every time the Packers give him a shot, behind even worse offensive lines than Jones ran behind tonight. I mean, we are talking about offensive linemen who will never sniff an NFL game again, unless they buy a ticket. I’m not sure why Devante Mays deserves a roster spot at this point. If the Packers keep four running backs, Bouagnon should be the guy.

Robert Tonyan — Honestly, all this guy has done is produce all preseason. On Thursday, he caught four for 31 and Boyle’s only touchdown. The Packers are seemingly loaded at tight end. Jimmy Graham — going nowhere, excect maybe to the end zone. Marcedes Lewis — getting a little long in the tooth, but still a phenomenal blocker. Lance Kendricks — mmmmmm… Badger great? I doubt the Packers keep four tight ends. It has happened before, but either way, Tonyan has shown enough potential that we know he belongs in the league. And if the Packers begrudgingly moved on from Kendricks in favor of Tonyan, I wouldn’t argue. As my friend Kelly Hayes said, “Kendricks would make a good Bengal.”

Greer Martini — Can I just say his name one more time? Sorry, brother. You’re probably not making the roster, but I will be disappointed if you’re not at least on the practice squad. You’re obviously not going to win many foot races, but you do play hard, you do flow to the ball and I suspect that’s because you know your shit. I believe Martini led the Packers in tackles last week, or was at least close. He had five and a pass defensed this week. He also was among the first wave. It’s not like he was racking those tackles up in garbage time. So, hell, maybe he does have a shot.

Herb Waters — You’re a great story. Converted receiver coming out of Miami, just like our boy Sam Shields. You had the Packers’ lone pick on the night off Matt McGloin, who is a legit NFL quarterback. Not a No. 1, but a guy who can play in the league. There are just too many good cornerbacks on the Packers’ roster. I hope you, too, come back on the practice squad. I’d love to see you on the roster when the Packers send Davon House and/or Tramon Williams packing.

You’re Cut, Asshole!

Jason Spriggs — Thanks a lot for spending a second-round pick on this bum, Big Ted. I mean, I can’t even put it into words how terrible you are, Spriggs. It’s time to move on. I saw this clown get blown out on a run play on Thursday by some, what? Second or third-string dude, at best? No more. If the Packers are relying on Jason Spriggs to back up either tackle position anywhere near effectively, they may as well do Aaron Rodgers like The Wicker Man.

Josh Hawkins — Sorry, man. I have been a personal fan since you’ve been in Green Bay. You got speed to burn. Thing is, your head isn’t always where it needs to be. That was once again evident when you got burned on that deep ball by Byron Pringle. Who the hell is Byron Pringle? I HAVE NO IDEA! He sure as shit ain’t Marvin Jones! And Marvin Jones ain’t even shit! Walking papers!

Trevor Davis — I wouldn’t be quick to cut Trevor Davis, despite his obvious shortcomings as a receiver. Eight total NFL receptions. Horseshit. Davis still has the speed and vision to be a great return man. The question is, do you have a roster spot for a guy who only does that? Personally, unless you’re Mel Gray, Devin Hester, Dante Hall, Brian Mitchell or my main man Desmond Howard, then no. I got nothin’ for you. This was Davis’ first preseason action of the year and he was clearly trying too hard. He had the 30-yard kickoff return, which was nice, but only averaged 22.9 on the night. His lone punt return was for minus-four, and he fumbled. I know the Packers like him in the return role, but what justifies a roster spot?

Quinten Rollins — The fact that Rollins, a former second-round pick, even played in this game is a bad sign… for Rollins. Frankly, I didn’t notice Rollins and that’s probably good, but let’s break down this depth chart real quick. Tramon, KK, Jaire, JJ, Davon and maybe one other guy? I’m not sure. Maybe Rollins somehow sticks, but Big Ted isn’t in town. He’s down in Texas. Beers, Steers & Queers. It sure seems like it’s time to move on.

About The Author

Mordecai is a writer living in Los Angeles. He primarily writes screenplays, but also does crap like this because GREEN BAY PACKERS, baby!

10 Comments on "Takeaways From Packers’ Final Preseason Game"

  1. V

    ROSTER PREDICTION TIME
    QB
    Rodgers, Kizer, (PS) Boyle
    RB/ FB
    Jones, Williams, Montgomery, Ripkowski, (PS) Bouagnon, (PS) Kerridge
    WR
    Adams, Cobb, Allison, Kumerow, Valdes-Scantling, St. Brown, Davis, (PS) J’mon Moore
    TE
    Graham, Lewis, Kendricks, Tonyan, (PS) Byrd
    OL
    Bakhtiari, Bulaga, Taylor, Linsley, McCray, Patrick, Pankey, Spriggs, Bell
    (Reserve DNR) Madison
    K/ P/ LS
    Crosby, Scott, Bradley

    DL
    Daniels, Wilkerson, Clark, Adams, Lowry, Mbu, (PS) Looney
    LB
    Perry, Matthews, Martinez, Morrison, Burks, Thomas, Fackrell, Gilbert, (PS) Odom, (PS) Martini
    DB
    King, Williams, Alexander, Jackson, House, Clinton-Dix, Brice, Jones, Greene, Rollins,
    (PS) Waters, (PS) Goodson

    Notes:
    While I agree that we have no solid Offensive Reserve Tackles to speak of, Spriggs has looked slightly better than Murphy who has regressed possibly due to injury, also Pankey has been solid overall and Bell, well he signed a big $500K guarantee which will keep his sorry ass around.

    The Corner group was the toughest to decide on because Waters and Goodson are pretty good players but at the end of the day while Rollins sucks, he’s decent on Special Teams and his positional versatility will probably let his sorry ass stick for another year. Josh Jones is another potential bust but you can’t really cut high draft picks, unless they are total busts and cheaper talent really outshines them. Which I don’t think has been the case.

  2. Skinny

    Theres no fucking leadership on defense at all. I expect the same shit out of that group this year. Secondary will be better but we dont rush the passer for shit. I cant believe we haven’t made a move for Mack. Theres a fucking alpha dog LB in his prime just sitting at home right now and the Packers are rollin with fucking Fackrell and Biegel and an OLB who was on the PS last year. Yeah makes total sense for a SB contending team.

  3. Kato

    With Mack, you have two of the top 5 edge run defenders in the game with him and Nick Perry. Mack is not Albert Haynesworth. Mack will be playing with a lot more talented front 7 players than he did in Oakland where he was often doubled or even triple teamed

    • PF4L

      YES, …although not so sure that Perry is a top 5, or top 15 for that matter. Top 5 highest paid maybe.

      The Raiders D-line is in fact horrible as Kato stated, especially without Mack. The reason they looked pretty good against the Pack is too obvious to discuss.

    • Kato

      $51 million between two players, that is pretty tough to do 28% of the salary cap between two players, and with Rodgers cap number climbing every year, it will get tough to keep people. They better get pretty damn good at drafting guys

      • PF4L

        Get good at drafting in a draft and develop philosophy? You may have discovered the secret.

        I definitely think your on to something my man.

    • Kato

      Also another way to look at it is if you do indeed ship off the two first round picks that is $2 million apiece that you would have had to pay them. $4 million total, so assuming Mack gets $22 million a year, that is $18 million more than you would be paying two first rounders

  4. PF4L

    The question could be…would we trade all of our past #1 draft picks since 2011 for Mack today? I’m thinking hell yes we would.

    This Mack trade is going to get done in the next few days, or it’s not going to happen. More on that to follow.

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