Want To Buy Mark Murphy’s House?

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Mark Murphy

Personally, I would find this disgusting, despite the fact that this is a beautiful home. The simple fact is that Mark Murphy — Ginger Gap Tooth, himself — lived in it.

He slept in one of these bedrooms. He presumably had sex with his wife in this place. There’s a pool. And can you picture GGT lounging about in a pair of shorts with his shirt off?

Oh my god! THE HORROR!

Imagine if you walked in and saw GGT’s toenail clippings on the bathroom floor. That could happen. Despite the amazingness of this house, it would have to be completely detoxified, cleansed and de-Murphyized before I would even step foot in it.

And even then, I don’t know. Just the thought of Murphy lounging by the pool would probably still put me off. I’d be grilling some Johnsonville brats and randomly vomit. My guests would ask me what was wrong. I’d tell them Ginger Gap Tooth used to lounge about by this pool. They would either vomit, leave immediately or get black-out drunk and pass out.

And there go my delicious Johnsonville brats. But hell, this place is on the river! So I could probably just yell out “Charlie’s cooking Johnsonville brats!” and someone would come by and get them.

Anyway, GGT lives in De Pere. He lives at 935 N. Broadway, in fact. Feel free to drop by, egg the place or toilet paper the trees.

Because, “What? Me worry?”

Also, if you can get past the fact that Alfred E Neuman has been naked in this home, you can but it for a cool $1.5 million.

And no, unfortunately, just because GGT is selling his home, doesn’t mean he’s leaving the Packers.

But check it out. It was a beautiful place until good old Gap Tooth moved in.

About The Author

Mordecai is a writer living in Los Angeles. He primarily writes screenplays, but also does crap like this because GREEN BAY PACKERS, baby!

3 Comments on "Want To Buy Mark Murphy’s House?"

    • Cheese

      I know he was trying to be the next Ginger Hammer. Maybe he’s gearing up for that.

      Who’s gonna babysit McCarthy, Gute, and Russ Ball then? This is Murphy’s cockamamie structure he put in place. He can’t just leave and expect it to work. Even with him here people don’t expect it to work. Who do you think replaces Gap Tooth when he leaves? Hopefully not Ball.

      Just imagine, with how bad he is at speaking in public, Murph representing the whole league. Incoherent rambling about nothing and lying through his teeth, although that shouldn’t be hard with that gap lol.

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