That sly bastard. Our main man, bearded or otherwise, is officially dating Danica Patrick.
She has confirmed it after the two were spotted out at a restaurant in Scottsdale, Arizona.
“Yes, Aaron and I are dating,” she said.
Supposedly. Looks a hell of a lot like Catch in West Hollywood, speaking from someone who’s been there. And Rodgers has been there plenty of times, too.
He lives in West Hollywood in the offseason. Us locals call that Boy’s Town, because most everyone is gay, but I’m setting this up too soon.
Rodgers and Patrick… i.e. fucking and/or you are the perfect beard to cover up my gayness, which I do not want to announce.
As we have said before, this is all getting too convenient.
Is Aaron Rodgers the proverbial bachelor, the Joe Namath of his day? Or do fairly-attractive women agree to be in relationships with him for personal gain? And yes, fuck it, we have it on good authority that Aaron Rodgers is gay.
We could also give two flying fucks.
It matters not. If you have a problem with who someone else fucks, then you are not happy in your own life. Clean that up before passing judgment.
The signs cannot be denied, however. Olivia Munn — we know her to have dated up, meaning that her boyfriends amazingly became higher-profile at the same time her career burgeoned. But the former before the latter. This broad used to choke down hotdogs on some gamer show. Does that network even exist anymore?
Couldn’t tell you. I’ve never been aware of it.
So, Danica Patrick. Let’s look at this. Going to retire after a — I guess — somewhat-long racing career. Sorry, I don’t really know — I know it’s not Richard Petty-long, but I don’t watch that redneck shit. She was out there for some years. A pioneer, some would say.
But she never won shit.
Conveniently, she has recently announced her retirement. She’ll drive in a couple major races and then done. Also conveniently, she needs to promote a book. I forget the name, but I’m sure you can find it online. She’s mostly noted, career-wise, for posing in sexy outfits in magazines … but wait … who does that remind me of?
Oh, shit! Olivia Munn!
Danica Patrick is from Illinois, a life-long Chicago Bears’ fan. But no more. While first suggesting that she’s always been a QB1 fan and cheered for him individually, she has reversed her allegiance.
“I am probably going to cheer for the whole team,” she said. “Take out the word ‘probably.’ Now I’m going to cheer for the whole team.”
You need better media advisors, Danica.
Here’s something that would have been better.
“Even though I was a Chicago Bears fan, I just couldn’t help myself but become a Green Bay Packers fan because of Aaron Rodgers. The way he plays, the tradition, the… uh… other stuff.”
Jesus, I screwed a 20-year-old stripper last night. She made better conversation than that.
This is a ruse.
Aaron Rodgers is gay. Danica Patrick is a beard and in this for her own gain. TMZ cameramen don’t get to just show up in a crowded dining room and take pictures.
Some of you are going to have to come to terms with that, but it will be better for all of us.