Aaron Rodgers (Gay) and Danica Patrick Are Confirmed

8436 27
Aaron Rodgers and Danica Patrick

That sly bastard. Our main man, bearded or otherwise, is officially dating Danica Patrick.

She has confirmed it after the two were spotted out at a restaurant in Scottsdale, Arizona.

“Yes, Aaron and I are dating,” she said.

Supposedly. Looks a hell of a lot like Catch in West Hollywood, speaking from someone who’s been there. And Rodgers has been there plenty of times, too.

He lives in West Hollywood in the offseason. Us locals call that Boy’s Town, because most everyone is gay, but I’m setting this up too soon.

Rodgers and Patrick… i.e. fucking and/or you are the perfect beard to cover up my gayness, which I do not want to announce.

As we have said before, this is all getting too convenient.

Is Aaron Rodgers the proverbial bachelor, the Joe Namath of his day? Or do fairly-attractive women agree to be in relationships with him for personal gain? And yes, fuck it, we have it on good authority that Aaron Rodgers is gay.

We could also give two flying fucks.

It matters not. If you have a problem with who someone else fucks, then you are not happy in your own life. Clean that up before passing judgment.

The signs cannot be denied, however. Olivia Munn — we know her to have dated up, meaning that her boyfriends amazingly became higher-profile at the same time her career burgeoned. But the former before the latter. This broad used to choke down hotdogs on some gamer show. Does that network even exist anymore?

Couldn’t tell you. I’ve never been aware of it.

So, Danica Patrick. Let’s look at this. Going to retire after a — I guess — somewhat-long racing career. Sorry, I don’t really know — I know it’s not Richard Petty-long, but I don’t watch that redneck shit. She was out there for some years. A pioneer, some would say.

But she never won shit.

Conveniently, she has recently announced her retirement. She’ll drive in a couple major races and then done. Also conveniently, she needs to promote a book. I forget the name, but I’m sure you can find it online. She’s mostly noted, career-wise, for posing in sexy outfits in magazines … but wait … who does that remind me of?

Oh, shit! Olivia Munn!

Hmmmmm…

Danica Patrick is from Illinois, a life-long Chicago Bears’ fan. But no more. While first suggesting that she’s always been a QB1 fan and cheered for him individually, she has reversed her allegiance.

“I am probably going to cheer for the whole team,” she said. “Take out the word ‘probably.’ Now I’m going to cheer for the whole team.”

You need better media advisors, Danica.

Here’s something that would have been better.

“Even though I was a Chicago Bears fan, I just couldn’t help myself but become a Green Bay Packers fan because of Aaron Rodgers. The way he plays, the tradition, the… uh… other stuff.”

Jesus, I screwed a 20-year-old stripper last night. She made better conversation than that.

This is a ruse.

Aaron Rodgers is gay. Danica Patrick is a beard and in this for her own gain. TMZ cameramen don’t get to just show up in a crowded dining room and take pictures.

Some of you are going to have to come to terms with that, but it will be better for all of us.

About The Author

Mordecai is a writer living in Los Angeles. He primarily writes screenplays, but also does crap like this because GREEN BAY PACKERS, baby!

27 Comments on "Aaron Rodgers (Gay) and Danica Patrick Are Confirmed"

  1. PF4L

    YEEEEE-HAWWWWW!

    Monty’s bitch, and our favorite little bottom boy, finally got one right. Confirmed!…BITCHES!!! lol

  2. PF4L

    At least she got a part time job. I mean, being a beard is a job isn’t it? Like a paying job? Maybe now people will start to know who she is and someday maybe……..she’ll even become rich and famous, you never know…dream big honey!!!

    Maybe instead of being a sports stars beard for a few bucks and get her picture in a magazine. If she really wanted to get rich and famous, why doesn’t she just do her own thing like racing cars or something? Then she could be famous all around the world, make tens and tens and tens of millions of dollars, and who knows…. maybe even do a couple of commercials?

    But no….this bitch is doing it the easy way, being a beard.

    Good get Monty.

  3. TyKo Steamboat

    Why don’t these guys date regular women? celebrities & race car drivers? WTF?

    & she’s 35. She hit the wall years ago. AR is 34 & dating a 35 y.o. ???? For real?

    I’m 34 & my current woman is a 21 y.o. hottie from Kherson, Ukraine. So it appears I’m doing a whole lot better than QB1. Hmmm go figure

    Seriously, though. I can’t understand why male celebs, musicians & athletes date women their own age & also in the same businesses. It literally never works & won’t work later in life…

    The whole point to avoiding marriage in your late 20’s & early 30’s is so that you can date these 18-23 y.o. hotties. Cause i certainly recall being age 18-23 & watching girls my age date older men. I was pissed & had to bang cougars when i was age 21. I mean, it was cool, but you flip the 180 at about age 29…

    this is a real head scratcher… more-so than Tomlin & Peytons’ coaching on Sunday…

    Men age like wine, women age like milk. Oh my, how the tables turn after you turn 29.

  4. Skinny

    Mordecai, you just fucked yourself. Oh my god you are sooooo screwed. Rodgers is going to kick your ass so hard for this one. RIP Mordecai

  5. Cheese

    “And yes, fuck it, we have it on good authority that Aaron Rodgers is gay. We could also give two flying fucks.”

    If you could give two flying fucks then why do you mention it in every article you post?

      • PF4L

        Wtf dude…like you really think anyone here knows what that word means?

        If someone does, congratulations, here’s a cookie.

        • MM²SUCK

          PF4L, what is it with you and your propensity to besmirch anyone with a good thought process, or a penchant for words? Are you that bored down in your Mom’s basement? You need the cookie . . . Go back to your Jim Crow shit (something that makes you feel manly), and leave me the fuck out of your inadequacies rationale . . . Lol!

          • PF4L

            Wtf dude…like you really think anyone here knows what that word means?

            If someone does, congratulations, here’s a cookie.

      • charlie stevens

        Thanks for nomenclature.
        It’s the reason I like this site.

        But giving 2 f instead of one, esp a flying one — adds further emphasis, righ?

        So while it is nomenclature, is it also enunciation of the locution?

        Whatever it is. Good stuff. Keep it coming, and thanks! :)

        • MM²SUCK

          Thanks! Yep, sometimes the word(s) need that extra bit of pizzazz, think “Hank” in Californication when he say’s “Motherfucker!” Words are fun ;)

  6. BOIWTFISTHIS

    “we have it on good authority that Aaron Rodgers is gay”

    tweets from his old assistant doesn’t count.

    Also, TMZ gets tips from people who have pics and deets on celebs. Come on, you’re so LA, you should know how this works.

      • PF4L

        So, if you have it on good authority that Rodgers is gay. Why do you guys insist on constantly obsessing and hammering him on it? It never stops with you guys.

        If Rodgers is gay, bisexual, or whatever, who gives a fuck? Your boy writes that we are going to have to come to terms with that. Gee, when is this website going to come to terms with it? I’m not sure where it ends with that rock head you have writing for you, when is enough, enough? 100 articles, 200? 3 years? 8 years? Does Rodgers owe you fucks an explanation or something? And until you get one, you’ll keep obsessing over him?

        Tell bottom boy to write a decent football article for once in his pathetic life.

      • BOIWTFISTHIS

        “Not tweets from his old assistant, dipshit. Unlike you, we actually know people. Deal with it.”

        bitter Bears fans who live in Green Bay doesn’t count.

  7. Bobby D

    The old white cadaver got boned in the ass more than Stormy Fucking Daniels! How come your good authority didn’t surface sooner relative to that douchebag’s sexual preferences? Maybe he would have exited the building before he buried this team in the pile of shit it’s surrounded by now.
    And by the way, fuck you Mordeacai, this is about football. Seems as though you have a different dick sucking issue of your own. If you’re so preoccupied, get yourself a place in W Hollywood and look up Kevin Spacey

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *