Alex Boone’s Dead Body Won’t Block Packers’ Super Bowl

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Alex Boone

Remember this piece of crap? Alex Boone, Minnesota Vikings mouthbreather, is no more.

Boone is the guy who said the Green Bay Packers will play in the Super Bowl — which will be held at the Hormel Chili Dome this year — over his dead body.

Well, I guess this is your dead body, Alex.

Go look for work, mouthbreather! Packers are rolling to the Super Bowl, right through that trash heap known as Minnesota!

About The Author

Mordecai is a writer living in Los Angeles. He primarily writes screenplays, but also does crap like this because GREEN BAY PACKERS, baby!

16 Comments on "Alex Boone’s Dead Body Won’t Block Packers’ Super Bowl"

  1. Ferris

    It would be fitting for GB to win the Bowl in that building. The despair in MN would have no equivalent.

  2. KILLER

    Boone has great spirit and certainly had the right idea. However, the Vikes had the chance to upgrade the position while still saving millions of dollars. When you come out ahead in both performance AND money, you do it.

    Boone was ranked the 19th best guard last season. However, there was severe competition as Nick Easton was great in camp and Pat Elflein even better. Elflein will take over Center and is a future pro bowler while Joe Berger goes to right guard and Easton at Left Guard. It was clear both of them outplayed Boone in camp and in preseason games which made the decision necessary. Backing them up are Jeremiah Sirles who does well at 4 of the 5 line spots and, a real bright spot from an overall incredible draft crop, Guard Danny Isadora has looked like the second coming of Ben Grubbs — but with greater speed and strength!

    Amazingly, Vikings will have 5 new starters on the line. May start a little slow out of the gate as they jell.

    Speaking of the Vikings incredible bumper crop of rookies:
    1. 8 drafted rookies made the final roster.
    2. 3rd round Center Pat Elflein will start. And may make the pro bowl!
    3. 2nd round RB Dalvin Cook will start. And may make the pro bowl and could be ROY.
    4. 4th round LB Ben Gedeon will start.
    5. 4th round DT Jaleel Johnson has been unblockable in preseason games and will play a major role.
    6. 6th round TE Bucky Hodges has looked like a young Jimmy Graham.
    7. 7th round WR Stacy Coley has looked like another Stefon Diggs.
    8. Such a bumper crop with 3 starters, likely 4 in effect / year end, even without a 1st round pick!
    9. You could really include indomitable Sam Bradford as part of this stupendous class as well.
    10. Vikes also obtained, and retained on the 53-man roster, 3 un-drafted free agents. DE Tashawn Bower, 3rd string on the Vikings, is already a better d-lineman than any Packer other than Mike Daniels. We also got a LB who runs a 4.5 40 at 230 pounds (a guy the Packers really wanted but who chose to go to the Vikings instead) and an OL who can play 4 spots and runs a 4.8 40. An O-lineman running a 4.8 40 is about equivalent to a WR running a 4.1 40. Both the OL and the LB have been total kick-ass in camp and in games.

    I wish Boone the best of future success. His heart was in the right place. He is certainly better than any guard on the Packers so I definitely hope you guys do not sign him. But I think you already squandered too much money on doddering Ahmad Brooks….!

    • Savage57

      Great. The Packers will still own the Vikings. No Division title banner unveiling in Minneshithole next year.

      Sorry, bitch.

    • Ferris

      It’s Gel dumbass…like gelatin…not jell. That is the only word of your post I read. I’m sure it said something like we’re better off without him…. That’s why the Viking dipshit trust signed him to a 4 year deal last year.

      • KILLER

        Ah, Ferris, abusiveness is the refuge of the ignorant.

        Speaking of ignorant, here is the definition of jell, which you could have easily looked up and avoided putting yourself in such a poor light. Look especially at the final two lines =

        jell
        jel/
        verb
        verb: gel; 3rd person present: gels; past tense: gelled; past participle: gelled; gerund or present participle: gelling; verb: jell; 3rd person present: jells; past tense: jelled; past participle: jelled; gerund or present participle: jelling

        (of jelly or a similar substance) set or become firmer.
        “the stew is jelling”
        synonyms: set, stiffen, solidify, thicken, harden; More
        cake, congeal, jellify, coagulate, clot
        “leave the mixture to jell”
        (of a project or idea) take a definite shape; begin to work well.
        “everything seemed to jell for the magazine”
        synonyms: take shape, fall into place, come together, take form, work out; crystallize
        “things started to jell very quickly”
        (of people) relate well to one another.
        “it’s gratifying seeing everybody jelling”

        My first lesson is free but, after this, I’m going to have to charge you.

        • PF4L

          What’s the definition of 5-0?

          Depends what State you are in, but in Minn. the definition is called “Fantasyland”, or yet another year of failure. Also known as the 56th edition of “maybe next season.”

        • Ferris

          OK Killer, you’re right I didn’t look it up. jell as a verb seems like an idiotic word to me.
          However there is a word I did look up. I saw the definition and thought of your team. The listed antonym of winner really sold me.
          los·er
          ˈlo͞ozər/Submit
          noun
          noun: loser; plural noun: losers
          a person or thing that loses or has lost something, especially a game or contest.
          synonyms: defeated person, also-ran, runner-up
          “the loser still gets the silver medal”
          antonyms: winner
          a person who accepts defeat with good or bad grace, as specified.
          “we won fair and square—they should concede that and be good losers”
          a person or thing that is put at a disadvantage by a particular situation or course of action.
          “children are the losers when politicians keep fiddling around with education”
          informal
          a person who fails frequently or is generally unsuccessful in life.
          “a ragtag community of rejects and losers”
          synonyms: failure, underachiever, ne’er-do-well, write-off, has-been; More
          antonyms: success
          BRIDGE
          a card that is expected to be part of a losing trick.

    • marty e owdelly

      Wow I did not know that vikings did so well – our packers don’t have a running back and LOTS of holes on our D

      • KILLER

        The Packers are peaks and valleys. Or, really, a huge mountain and a bunch of deep pits of despair.

        Huge mountain: Aaron Rodgers

        Deep Pits of Despair:
        1. RB stable. A converted WR and three over-drafted yet still low draft pick rookies. Each one not as good as the other one. Worst group of RBs in all of football.
        2. O-line. In a year lost two pro bowlers and a valuable multi-role back-up / starter. One replacement gets into the locker room utilizing a walking cane.
        3. Defensive line. Worst line in all of football.
        4. Linebackers. A doddering oldster recently signed for a ludicrous 5 million, an injury-prone 12 million dollar guy who is a shell of his formerly PED-soaked self, and another injury prone 12 million dollar guy. + various ILBs all of whom would struggle to stay on the 53 of any other team.
        5. Secondary. The safeties are good, the cornerbacks are obscenely bad. Likely the worst crew of CBs in all of football.

        A big peak and many a deep valley.

  3. Bob

    Sure glad I had my hip boots on reading Killers rant. The Queens will only see the Super Bowl if they buy the tickets now before they are sold out.

    • PF4L

      This reminds me when a team was 5-0, then reality reared it’s ugly head.

      Off season dreams and optimism. The last misguided fantasy illusion a fan clings to before the season begins. The bears fans suffered through this ailment for decades. the difference being, they finally got smart.

      Vikings total Super Bowl victory’s: 0

      Aaron Rodgers: 1

  4. PF4L

    KILLER
    09/03/2017 at 1:09 pm
    The Packers are peaks and valleys and multi Super Bowl winners. The Vikings spending all those 1st round picks on a bunch of QB’s are a bunch of deep pits of despair.

    Huge mountain: Aaron Rodgers

    Deep Pits of Despair: My Vikings

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