Here’s a Reminder How Stupid the NFL has Become

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Davante Adams dunk

Remember when Davante Adams scored a touchdown against the Detroit Lions last week and dunked the ball over the goal post? Right, that was stupid on his part because it turned into a 15-yard penalty.

However, we take issue more with the NFL’s draconian celebration rules. They weren’t always so damn stupid. Plenty of guys have dunked over the goal post.

Calvin Johnson: slam dunk

I don’t really understand the directive behind limiting celebrations.

Someone just did something well, they want to celebrate. CAN’T HAVE THAT!

Seriously, as of this season, these are the only celebrations allowed by the NFL.

(1) dancing that is not sexually suggestive; (2) celebrations with teammates that are not choreographed; (3) spiking the ball, as long as it’s not directed at an opponent; (4) spinning the ball, as long as it’s not directed to an opponent; (5) bowing to the crowd; (6) saluting; (7) going to the ground in prayer; (8) the “Lambeau Leap”; and (9) handing the ball to the official.

You probably notice that one of them isn’t even a goddam celebration.

Here is what specifically isn’t allowed.

(1) anything that mimics a violent act, including slashing the throat, shooting guns, and shooting arrows, whether directed at an opponent or not; (2) sexually suggestive dancing; (2) choreographed celebrations; (3) excessive celebrations; (4) prolonged celebrations; (5) spiking or spinning the ball at an opponent; (6) going to the ground; (7) using the ball as a prop; and (8) using any other props.

So I ask you, where does it say anything about the damn goal post in there? Would that fall under the “using any other props” category? Is it a prop if it’s a part of the field?

Also, you can go to the ground to pray, but you can’t just go to the ground? What the hell is the difference?

This is idiotic.

And you know what’s more idiotic?


Who the hell is any of this stuff hurting?

You can suck my ass, Roger Goodell.

Although this might explain one thing — why Jordy Nelson runs 20 yards out of the end zone before he spikes the ball now. We don’t want that to be construed as him spiking the ball at an opposing player who just might happen to be in the vicinity.

That will cost you 15 yards and $12,000!

Jordy Nelson

About The Author

Mordecai is a writer living in Los Angeles. He primarily writes screenplays, but also does crap like this because GREEN BAY PACKERS, baby!

No Comments on "Here’s a Reminder How Stupid the NFL has Become"

  1. PF4L

    In that picture above, it looks like Jordy is spiking it in the end zone. So if you want to construe that as being 20 yards out, knock yourself out tiger, it’s your world my friend, paint the sky any color you’d like.

    The only thing i know, is the rules are agreed to in the signing of the CBA by the PLAYERS UNION, In the contract the player signs, he’s agreeing to abide to those rules. If broken, yea, there are penalty’s. The players know this before they break rules.

    Whether we agree with the rule is immaterial, whether it’s weed, celebrations, thrusting your hips forward like your air fucking (so cool). it’s a rule.

    The NFL has the whiniest players i’ve ever seen in one sport. They are also the highest paid (per games played) in the world. It’s a dream job.

    Show me any job, in any Country, that would pay Colin Kaepernick 14 million dollars, for doing anything.

    Show me a job that will pay Cam Newton 15 million dollars for being one of the worst QB’s of the season, then pay him another 15 million next year, regardless of performance.

    Show me a job that will guarantee Sam Bradford 50 million dollars, before….he ever put on a NFL uniform, regardless of performance.

    Show me a place, where the lowest paying job, is $435,000/season and your job is to sit on the bench.

    Don’t even get me started on Cutlers career earnings.

  2. gort

    I think the dunk thing started because somebody hit the goal post so hard that it moved it off level. The dunk rule should have been written so that it is a penalty only if something happened that caused some sort of a delay in the game. The no fun police made another dumb rule.

    • PF4L

      So…… if they dunk it and hit the goal post they should call time out and check it with a bunch of levels and electronic measurements to determine if it’s off level, and a penalty should be called? Then fix it before the game continues?

      Sound completely logical.

      • Savage57

        You should only be allowed to dunk over the crossbar if you popped a 43″ vertical at the combine and you’ve been dunking since you were 13.

        But if you’re like earthbound Jimmy Graham, you can’t quite get up and over even though you’re 6’7″ and wind up fucking up the goal post, season-long suspension.

  3. PF4L

    These are the people you want to direct your angst to…….The Competition Committee.

    Chairman: Rich McKay (president, Atlanta Falcons)

    John Mara (owner, New York Giants)
    Stephen Jones (owner, Dallas Cowboys)
    Mark Murphy (president, Green Bay Packers)
    Ozzie Newsome (general manager, Baltimore Ravens)
    Rick Smith (general manager, Houston Texans)
    Marvin Lewis (head coach, Cincinnati Bengals)
    Mike Tomlin (head coach, Pittsburgh Steelers)
    Bruce Arians (head coach, Arizona Cardinals)
    Tom Coughlin (senior advisor, NFL Football Operations)
    John Elway (general manager, Denver Broncos)

  4. NachoDan

    Nobody spikes a football like Jordy. Surprised the ball doesn’t go flat. Save the dancing for figure skating girls.

  5. Adams would look stupid, hurt the team, and his future monies more than the penalty and fine if he came down wrong and tore up a knee or ankle? It is in the players and teams best interest to not be performing 360 dunks on a goal post. How many times have we seen linebackers and lineman tearing up knees just celebrating sacks, or a field goal kicker celebrating a field goal. Those idiots were a lot closer to the ground than Adams.

  6. Tom Brady


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