Yeah, although we have 20 better things we could be doing, we’re going to sit here and give you commentary, as only Total Packers can, on the first round of the 2011 NFL Draft.
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Derek Sherrod, tackle, Mississippi State, to the Green Bay Packers at No. 32.
We’ll have full analysis shortly in a separate post. I will say I like the fact the Packers have their tackles for the next 10 years in place, though.
Akeem Ayers, Justin Houston, Da’Quan Bowers all available. All can rush the passer…
Cameron Heyward, defensive end, Ohio State, to the Pittsburgh Steelers at No. 31.
Heyward was dominated by Carimi when the Buckeyes played the Badgers. Didn’t like him then. Don’t like him now.
Glad he didn’t make it to the Packers.
Muhammad Wilkerson, defensive tackle, Temple, to the New York Jets at No. 30.
Jets like defense and Wilkerson can play.
If the Packers would have landed Mark Ingram, both father and son would have played for the same team. Ingram Sr., a receiver, played for the Packers in 1995. He’s currently in prison.
Just thought I’d throw that out there.
The Saints fucked everything up. They’ll get theirs on opening night.
As predicted, the Chicago Bears take Wisconsin tackle Gabe Carimi at No. 29. I suddenly hope he’s a failure in the pros.
The Saints trade back into the first round, getting New England’s pick at No. 28 for next year’s first-round pick and the No. 56 pick in this draft.
The Saints are taking Mark Ingram. Looks like they did want him after all and the Packers are out of luck. There are still plenty of good players available for the Packers, though.
Jimmy Smith, cornerback, Colorado to the Baltimore Ravens at No. 27.
Smith is what you’d call a character guy, meaning he doesn’t have much of it.
Just kidding. Smith admitted failing a drug test and god knows no one in the NFL smokes marijuana, so obviously Smith can’t play football well.
Jonathan Baldwin, wide receiver, Pittsburgh to the Kansas City Chiefs at No. 26.
This is a great pick. Baldwin is a talented receiver and pairing him with Dwayne Bowe, the Chiefs young tight ends and Jamaal Charles makes the Chiefs offense real scary.
The Ravens did something fucked up with No. 26 pick and when I say something fucked up, I mean, they didn’t make it on time. Kansas City than picked at No. 27 and New England picked at No. 28.
James Carpenter, tackle, Alabama, to the Seattle Seahawks at No. 25.
Interesting pick. Carpenter plays left tackle and the Seahawks drafted left tackle Russell Okung in the first round last year. Carpenter will likely have to move to the right side.
You can never have too many good offensive linemen, but I’m a little surprised Pete Carroll didn’t take Arkansas quarterback Ryan Mallett. If there was ever a coach for Mallett, it’s Pete Carroll.
It’s also a little surprising Carpenter was chosen before Gabe Carimi.
There was talk the Saints were looking at Alabama running back Mark Ingram. It sounds like the Packers really like Ingram. If he makes it to 32, look for the Packers to strike, even though they look loaded at running back right now.
The Packers could also be looking to trade back. There are still solid offensive linemen and rush linebackers on the board.
The Packers are in a great position right now.
Cameron Jordan, defensive end, Cal, to the New Orleans Saints at No. 24.
Looks like another value pick. Jordan should have gone a lot higher, although he probably would be better as a 3-4 outside linebacker — the Saints run a 4-3.
Something tells me Wisconsin tackle Gabe Carimi is going to the Bears. I just threw up in my mouth a little.
Danny Watkins, guard, Baylor, to the Philadelphia Eagles at No. 23.
Watkins went to the same junior college as Aaron Rodgers, Butte, which was when he first played organized football.
Anthony Castonzo, tackle, Boston College, to the Indianapolis Colts at No. 22.
At this point, my bet is the Packers have their choice of a rush linebacker, offensive lineman and Mark Ingram, the running back from Alabama, at No. 32.
Kansas City trades pick 21 to the Cleveland Browns. The Chiefs get No. 27 and No. 70 (third round).
The Browns take Phil Taylor, defensive tackle, Baylor at No. 21.
Adrian Clayborn, defensive end, Iowa, to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers at No. 20.
Clayborn had a terrible senior season (3.5 sacks) after racking up 11.5 sacks as a junior. He was dominated on tape. He also has Erb’s Palsy, which is a condition that supposedly could paralyze one of his arms.
Glad the Packers didn’t take this guy. Tampa, I could give a shit about, much like the rest of the world.
These highlights are from his junior season.
Schefter just tweeted this: Terrell Thomas, Aaron Ross, Corey Webster and Prince Amukamara — no team in league has more CB depth.
I politely informed him he’s an idiot.
Prince Amukamara, cornerback, Nebraska, to the New York Giants at No. 19.
Seemingly a great pick for the Giants. This guy slid for a number of reasons, much like Bryan Bulaga did to the Packers last season.
Could turn out to be a steal.
Corey Liuget, defensive tackle, Illinois, to the San Diego Chargers at No. 18.
If this kid can rush the passer at all, the Chargers will have a pretty good defense. If only they had a coach, they might be a Super Bowl contender.
The Chargers drafted defensive end Larry English from Northern Illinois last year, who was a guy the Packers reportedly liked. English did absolutely nothing in his rookie season. It’s a good thing the Chargers drafted him.
Nate Solder, tackle, Colorado, to the New England Patriots at No. 17.
Exciting pick, just like Bill Belicheck himself.
Ryan Kerrigan, linebacker, Purdue, to the Washington Redskins at No. 16. We’re halfway there!
Kerrigan was a defensive end in college. He’ll be asked to play outside linebacker in Washington’s 3-4 defense. The Redskins don’t have the personnel for the 3-4 and I’m not sure this changes anything.
Kerrigan is supposed to complement Brian Orakpo.
Mike Pouncey, guard, Florida, to the Miami Dolphins at No. 15.
His brother Maurkice plays center for the Steelers. Mike is probably just as good and Maurkice is pretty damn good in his own right.
You gotta love Jets fans with their “Dolphins suck” chant. Actually, no you don’t — they’re like the Vikings fans of the AFC. No knowledge or class.
If you have a college degree in New York do you have to be a Giants fan and if you don’t you’re a Jets fan? Is that how it works?
Robert Quinn, defensive end, North Carolina, to the St. Louis Rams at No. 14.
The kid has some talent, but he’s really young. He’s only 20 right now and he had to sit out last season at Carolina for improper contact with an agent.
Obviously not the brightest kid, but big upside.
Nick Fairley, defensive tackle, Auburn, to the Detroit Lions at No. 13.
Fairley has all the tools, the question is if he has the motivation. He could very well turn into a big, fat waste of space. However, on talent alone, the Lions might have the most formidable defensive line in football right now.
Fairley is also a scumbag cheap-shot artist. Seems like the Vikings should have drafted him.
Awwwwww… Vikings fans don’t like the pick. I feel so terrible for them!
Christian Ponder, quarterback, Florida State, to the Minnesota Vikings at No. 12.
I am I surprised? A little.
Ponder could be good, but he never looked elite in college. What’s great is the Vikings fucked up just like I said they would. They could have had Ponder in the second round.
Smooth move, Ex-Lax.
Or maybe the Vikings will make the long-overdue announcement that they’re dropping out of the league and they’re taking every one of their shitbag fans to Siberia to die. That would really make my day.
Ooooh! The Vikings are on the clock!
What can they do to fuck this up?
Maybe they should draft Brett Favre. I hear he’s a good prospect. Will probably lead them to the promised land.
J.J. Watt — Wisconsin’s own — defensive end, Wisconsin, to the Houston Texans at No. 11.
I’m as surprised as everyone else the Texans, who have a terrible pass defense, didn’t take Prince Amakumara. Good for J.J. Watt, though. I hope he kills it.
The Jacksonville Jaguars have traded up to No. 10 and will take Gabbert.
It cost them their second-round pick.
Good trade. David Garrard isn’t bad, but he’s never going to lead anyone to a Super Bowl. Gabbert will have a better NFL career than Cam Newton. You can mark that down and I’ll eat this computer I’m typing on if I’m wrong.
Can the Redskins not take Blaine Gabbert? If he doesn’t go at No. 10 to Washington, he’s this draft’s Aaron Rodgers.
Tyron Smith, tackle, USC, to the Dallas Cowboys at No. 9.
Honestly, good pick. Jerry Jones is still a cunt, though.
The Cowboys are probably making a trade.
Jerry Jones is a dick… for completely unrelated reasons.
Jake Locker, QB, Washington, to the Tennessee Titans at No. 8.
This is the first crazy-ass looking move of the day. Locker can throw, but he had a terrible senior season.
He makes a lot of mistakes, which the Titans should be used to having had to put up with Vince Young. Locker should fit right in.
Aldon Smith, defensive end, Missouri, to the San Francisco 49ers at No. 7.
I have no idea what to think about this guy.
Julio Jones, wide receiver, Alabama, to the Atlanta Falcons at No. 6.
The kid is good, but the Falcons gave up a ton for this pick — Atlanta’s first (27th overall), second (59th) and fourth-rounder (124th) this year and also Atlanta’s first- and fourth-round selections in 2012 go to the Browns.
The Packers will still own these assholes in the playoffs.
Cleveland has traded the No. 6 pick to the Atlanta Falcons.
Patrick Peterson, cornerback, LSU, to the Arizona Cardinals at No. 5.
Not drafting Missouri QB Blaine Gabbert is a good sign the Cardinals are going to sign Marc Bulger.
People have said this kid is the best player in the country. They may be right.
A.J. Green, wide receiver, Georgia, to the Cincinnati Bengals at No. 4.
This kid is going to be big time.
That being said, the Bengals are going to be terrible in 2011. Carson Palmer wants a trade and Ochocinco has probably played his last down in Cincinnati.
Green better have 2,000 yards receiving.
Marcell Dareus, defensive tackle, Alabama, to the Buffalo Bills at No. 3.
At 320 pounds, he’s a big boy.
I’m glad the Bills didn’t go with a quarterback. Ryan Fitzpatrick deserves a shot to start. He carried my fantasy team at times, last season. Also, considering their first-round pick last season, this one actually makes sense — “We have two top-tier running backs on our roster, let’s draft C.J. Spiller!”
The Broncos were blathering on about drafting a quarterback and obviously they still can, but it will be interesting to see if they do so in the later rounds or if the Tim Tebow era is officially upon us.
Jesus Boy, as he will be henceforth known, makes my taint hurt.
Von Miller, linebacker, Texas A&M, to the Denver Broncos at No. 2.
The Broncos needed defense. They couldn’t really have picked a worse guy to fit their system, though. The Broncos run a 4-3, Miller is a 3-4 rush linebacker.
Way to go Elway!
On the positive side, Schefter says Miller reminds those around the NFL of late Kansas City Chiefs linebacker Derrick Thomas. That cat was a killer.
Whatever you do, don’t ask Cam Newton about getting paid in college Deion! You fucking hack!
I’m just kidding. Now isn’t the time for that. Deion Sanders is still a dick, though.
So, Cam Newton, QB, Auburn, to the Carolina Panthers at No. 1. The Panthers will regret this move in five years. Mark it down: he’s got Vince Young written all over him.
This guy is going to go out there and get killed if they throw him into the starter’s role this year. Also, what happens to Jimmy Clausen? He didn’t do anything his rookie season, but he should be decent in the right system/with the right coach.
Do I love that they’re booing Roger Goodell? Absolutely!
1. My old lady is not happy.
2. I have no beer.
If anyone in LA would like to remedy the latter situation, please let me know.