Posts tagged Minnesota Vikings
Brett Favre Must Really Be Retiring Because He’s Hawking Collectibles
Jan 17th
We didn’t pay much attention when former Minnesota Vikings quarterback Brett Favre filed his retirement papers, this morning. So what? We thought. It’s not that we think Favre will change his mind and come back sometime next August. It’s just that after getting beat around, both on the field and in his private life, while [...]
Adrian Peterson And His Girl Bladder Will Not Save Your Job
Jan 15th
Minnesota Vikings running back Adrian Peterson has a tiny, girl bladder and like all Minnesota Vikings, a cold, cold heart. Apparently, Peterson and his little girl bladder had to piss so badly he stood outside a McDonald’s drive-thru at 3 a.m. and asked to be let into the store. The assistant manager, who was working [...]
Favre Sued For Sexual Harassment
Jan 3rd
This one came out of left field. Now-presumably-retired Minnesota Vikings quarterback Brett Favre is being sued for sexual harassment, but not by Jenn Sterger. Favre was hit with the lawsuit by Christina Scavo and Shannon O’Toole, who massage therapists who formerly worked for the New York Jets. The suit, which was filed in the New [...]
Sterger’s Lawyer: Favre Got Preferential Treatment
Dec 29th
We’ve been surmising the NFL wouldn’t do anything to Brett Favre in relation to his behavior towards Jenn Sterger. Today, they more or less did just that, deciding to only fine Favre for not being cooperative during the league’s investigation into his conduct. Not surprisingly, Sterger isn’t too happy. Her lawyer, Joseph Conway, released the [...]
Favre Fined For Sterger Incident
Dec 29th
Minnesota Vikings quarterback Brett Favre was fined, but not suspended for his role in the Jenn Sterger incident, a story first reported by Jay Glazer. Surprisingly, the fine isn’t for violating any NFL policies. Michael David Smith has confirmed Favre has been fined $50,000 for not cooperating with the investigation, which took nearly three months. [...]
Brett Favre Likes Masturbation Videos
Dec 24th
That’s right people. Minnesota Vikings quarterback Brett Favre likes masturbation videos. That is, if you believe Jenn Sterger. Someone “close to the NFL investigation” says Sterger claims Favre asked her to send him a video of her masturbating. Really, who can blame the guy? Well, he’s married, so a lot of people. But the point [...]
Adrian Peterson Is M.I.A.
Dec 23rd
Okay, so I couldn’t possibly stand writing another Brett Favre headline, so that’s why you’re getting this one on Minnesota Vikings running back Adrian Peterson. This made me laugh heartily, so I think I’ll just let it speak for itself. How do you think that played out? I bet when they consulted Favre on making [...]
Favre Still Has It Out For The Packers
Dec 22nd
Remember when beating the Green Bay Packers wasn’t about revenge for Brett Favre? We totally believed him. Anyway, we thought he got the revenge he didn’t want last season when his Minnesota Vikings beat the Packers twice. Apparently, that wasn’t enough. Maybe his butt hurts because the Packers destroyed his poor-ass excuse for a team [...]
Someone Needs To Put Brett Favre And The Vikings Down
Dec 22nd
Can someone send an S.O.S. to Minnesota Vikings coach Leslie Frazier and his staff? A telegraph of sorts on behalf of the grizzled grandpa himself, Brett Favre? Something like this: Leslie, Your old-ass quarterback has done broked himself again. Really bad, this time. He can’t think straight, and that robotic arm you implanted in him [...]
The Chicago Bears Are NFC North Champions
Dec 20th
At least it isn’t the Minnesota Vikings. The Chicago Bears nailed down the NFC North title Monday night by destroying the aforementioned poor excuse for an NFL franchise, 40-14. The Bears are 10-4 and can finish no worse than 10-6. If the Green Bay Packers finish with the same record by winning their last two [...]
We Hardly Knew Ye, TJack
Dec 16th
Over in Minnesota, things continue to get worse for the Vikings, which normally would be great. That’s not the case, at the moment, however. In addition to the giant hole in the roof of their shitty stadium and concerns surrounding the availability of TCF Bank Stadium, where the Vikings are trying to host their Monday [...]
What Brett Favre Does When On The Sideline In Street Clothes
Dec 14th
We understand that this not suiting up thing is new to Brett Favre. We get that Brett really doesn’t know what to do when he’s standing on the sideline in street clothes while his team is playing a football game. We also understand Brett may have some issues with his penis — holding it, taking [...]
Favre Streak Ends; Favre Hawks Footballs Commemorating Streak
Dec 13th
Just when I praised Brett Favre for his toughness, he again reveals what a dick he is. Favre’s streak of consecutive starts came to an end at 297, Monday night, because of a sprained shoulder. Favre, of course, was ready to take full advantage of the moment. Favre is hawking footballs to commemorate the streak [...]
Favre’s Streak Expected To End Tonight
Dec 13th
Brett Favre’s consecutive-starts streak is expected to come to an end tonight, when his Minnesota Vikings face the New York Giants at Detroit’s Ford Field. The streak, which started on Sept. 27, 1992, when Favre made his first start for the Green Bay Packers, will end at 297 games. That is, barring a miracle. Favre [...]
Vikings’ Shithole Collapses
Dec 12th
A fitting metaphor for their season. The shithole that the Minnesota Vikings call home, the Metrodome, collapsed overnight. Or at least the roof did. There is now a hole in the middle of it from the build-up of snow — the Cities reportedly got close to 20 inches yesterday. The Vikings game against the New [...]
Favre Camp: Bring On A Lawsuit
Dec 11th
In response to the latest from Jenn Sterger’s camp — that they’ll file a lawsuit if the NFL doesn’t suspend Minnesota Vikings quarterback Brett Favre for violating the league’s personal conduct policy — the Favre camp has fired back, saying they’d welcome a lawsuit. The strategy makes some sense. No one really knows what Sterger’s [...]
Sterger Won’t Sue If NFL Suspends Favre
Dec 9th
Jenn Sterger won’t pursue legal action against Minnesota Vikings quarterback Brett Favre over the alleged dong texts/sexual harassment if the NFL suspends the quarterback, according to her manager. “If the [NFL] commissioner suspends Favre and puts him in a program to make sure this doesn’t happen again … 100 percent … Jenn would not pursue [...]
So, Now Sterger May Go Public
Dec 7th
You’d think the NFL would have brought this whole Brett Favre cock texting thing to a conclusion by now. Nope. The league seems content to let it drag on as long as possible. They may as well just let it drag on through the end of the season, so they won’t have to take any [...]
Get Your Brett Favre Junk While You Still Can!
Dec 2nd
Okay, I don’t want to overdo it on the Brett Favre bashing, but I thought this was funny. And it’s a slow day. Apparently, they’re already closing the Brett Favre era in Minnesota, at least among local retailers. When no one buys this stuff, they’ll be shipping it to third world countries where people can’t [...]
Brett Favre Displays His Super-Human Powers Of Deduction
Dec 2nd
Minnesota Vikings quarterback Brett Favre admitted that he fucked up, on Tuesday. After Favre’s late scramble helped the Vikings beat Washington last Sunday — chariots of fire was surely playing somewhere and NFL Films will probably include it in Favre’s career highlights — everyone wondered about last season’s NFC Championship game. You know, the one [...]