Posts tagged Chicago Bears
In Chicago, It’s A Good Idea To Let Devin Hester Be A Writer
Mar 31st
Man, I don’t even know where to begin. As someone who can actually string a comprehensible sentence together, I’m offended. There’s a magazine called Chicago Parent and someone there decided it would be a good idea to give Chicago Bears returner Devin Hester a column in said magazine. Hester’s first column just came out and… [...]
Create Your Own Chicago Bears License Plate!
Mar 29th
The gods have smiled on us today, friends! The state of Illinois has introduced Chicago Bears license plates so people from Illinois can be even more obnoxious and look even dumber while they’re trashing the fine state of Wisconsin this summer. That’s not the great part, though. The great part is, you can go online [...]
Lovie Smith: Still An Idiot
Mar 24th
After Chicago Bears coach Lovie Smith led his team to the NFC North title and NFC Championship game last season, I began to develop some respect for him. Since then, he’s done nothing but prove my initial feeling about him correct. He’s a complete idiot.
NFL Has Dumbass New Kickoff Rule
Mar 23rd
If the NFL wanted to eliminate what’s potentially one of the most exciting plays in football, they did a good job on Tuesday. The league decided to move kickoffs from the 30 to the 35-yard line. You know what that means? You’re only going to see touchbacks in the NFL, next season. Awesome! I’m probably [...]
Iron Mike Cuts A Rug!
Mar 16th
They were even dumber in Chicago in the 1980s. If you remember the idiots who wrote the song about Chicago Bears return man Devin Hester, and you thought it couldn’t get any worse, you were sadly mistaken. Today, we bring you this gem, which is obviously from the ’80s and features former Bears coach Mike Ditka doing, among other things, tearing up the dance floor, playing foosball by himself and carrying a clipboard around the club.
Would The Real Jay Cutler Please Stand Up?
Mar 6th
I’m not clever enough to write an entire article referencing Eminem’s popular song in witty sorts of ways, nor would I want any of you to think I’m a fan of his. So, the analogies cease here and onto the real question: does anyone else find it hilarious that Jay Cutler’s namesake is this meathead? [...]
Now Naked Guys Are Cursing Jay Cutler Before Getting Arrested
Mar 1st
The king of the mouth breathers and Chicago Bears quarterback Jay Cutler can’t catch a break.
I guess that’s what happens when you give up during the NFC Championship game, spend the second half standing around on the sidelines looking stupid and then don’t say peep while everyone and his brother is trashing you in the media during the offseason.
Get It Straight: Jay Cutler Is Awesome!
Feb 28th
Another day, another jerkoff defending Chicago Bears quarterback Jay Cutler. This time it’s Bears offensive coordinator Mike Martz. Martz is here to remind us Cutler is tough and tell us he’s going to be an elite quarterback. You know, the same Jay Cutler that decided not to play the second half of the NFC Championship [...]
Lovie Smith Gets His Extension, Talks Up Cutler
Feb 25th
The Chicago Bears have given coach Lovie Smith a two-year contract extension.
Smith, who was entering the final year of a four-year contract, made $5.5 million under his old deal, making him one of the highest-paid coaches in the NFL. Assuming he didn’t take a pay cut, Smith makes slightly more than Green Bay Packers coach Mike McCarthy, who recently signed an extension paying him an average of $5 million a year.
Quitler
Feb 24th
Remember when Chicago Bears quarterback Jay Cutler quit on his team during the second half of the NFC Championship game against the Green Bay Packers because his vagina hurt?
In case you forgot about it, I thought now would be as good a time as any to remind you.
Dave Duerson Committed Suicide
Feb 19th
When I heard former Chicago Bears safety Dave Duerson died on Thursday, I didn’t pay much attention.
People die every day.
Things changed on Saturday, however, when it was revealed Duerson committed suicide by shooting himself in the chest.
They’re Despondent In Chicago
Feb 17th
2010 was a good season for the Chicago Bears — they won the NFC North, they made it to the NFC Championship game, and… yeah, well, they lost to a hated division rival with the Super Bowl on the line.
That’s gotta leave a bad taste in your mouth.
Vomit-Inducing News Of The Day: Jay Cutler Getting Engaged
Feb 12th
The more I think about it, the more this makes sense.
A no-talent quarterback is getting engaged to a no-talent reality star.
That’s right, mouth-breather extraordinaire and all-around vagina, Chicago Bears quarterback Jay Cutler is getting engaged.
Jeremy Piven Does Not Like Your Super Bowl Matchup
Jan 31st
Jeremy Piven, of Entourage fame, doesn’t like anything about this year’s Super Bowl matchup. Piven was looking for a New York Jets-Chicago Bears game for, who knows why. Probably because he sucks. There honestly couldn’t have been a shittier Super Bowl matchup than that. Anyway, Piven voiced his displeasure over the Green Bay Packers-Pittsburgh Steelers [...]
Coincidence?
Jan 30th
What’s the phrase? A picture is worth a thousand words? This one might be worth a million.
Bill Murray Thinks Ray Nitschke Is A Pussy
Jan 29th
Bill Murray is awesome. He’s also a Chicago Bears fan, which makes him a little less… scratch that — a lot less awesome. Apparently, Murray was at the NFC Championship game last weekend, cheering on his Bears as they fell to the mighty Green Bay Packers. Sorry, Bill. Anyway, here’s a story we picked up [...]
NFC Championship 10-Second Delay
Jan 29th
During our NFC Championship game gathering, we were watching the Green Bay Packers thrash the Chicago Bears on two separate TVs. The small one outside was live. The larger one inside was DirectTV, hence a 10-second delay. Here’s how Sam Shields’ fateful interception to end the game played out in that scenario.
Peppers Fined For Hit On Rodgers
Jan 27th
Chicago Bears defensive end Julius Peppers was fined $10,000 by the NFL for his helmet-to-helmet hit on Green Bay Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers in the NFC Championship game. The hit occurred at the 11:20 mark in the fourth quarter and it drew a personal foul penalty. It also looked cheap as fuck, but Rodgers didn’t [...]
TiVo Time: Chicago Bears
Jan 27th
The Green Bay Packers are your 2010 NFC Champions. Here’s an in-depth look at how they won their grudge match with the Chicago Bears. 10:50, 1st quarter — The Bears won the coin toss and used the Packers’ strategy against them by deferring until the second half. It looks especially rosy for the home team [...]
Obama Gets A Green Bay Welcome
Jan 26th
President Barack Obama flew into Green Bay this morning for an appearance and speech in Manitowoc. When he landed, the Chicago Bears fan was the recipient of two Green Bay Packers jerseys. The second, which is pictured above, was Charles Woodson’s No. 21 with the following personally signed message. “To President Obama See you at [...]