There Will Probably Be Football On Sunday, Regardless

Roger Goodell

There’s no guarantee there will be NFL football on Sundays this year, but there still may be some football on Sunday. And no, I’m not talking about the Lingerie Football League. That’s not football, it’s something to masturbate to. I’m talking about college football. Specifically, the Pac-10. The Pac-10 is discussing the possibility of playing […]

How Many Tight Ends Are Better Than Jermichael Finley?

Jermichael Finley

Nine, according to ESPN. ESPN released their tight end power rankings this week and Green Bay Packers tight end Jermichael Finley finished 10th. The Dallas Cowboys’ Jason Witten and the San Diego Chargers’ Antonio Gates were far and away the No. 1 and 2 tight ends in the rankings. While Finley’s ranking isn’t all that […]

Win T-Shirts, Books And More!

Beltified

We’ve given away a bunch of stuff over the past few months here at Total Packers and we’re going to give away a bunch more in the coming months. This week, we’re loading up on the contests. These are the things you can win right now: an Aaron Rodgers beltified t-shirt (pictured above), a copy […]

Create Your Own Chicago Bears License Plate!

Chicago Bears license plate

The gods have smiled on us today, friends! The state of Illinois has introduced Chicago Bears license plates so people from Illinois can be even more obnoxious and look even dumber while they’re trashing the fine state of Wisconsin this summer. That’s not the great part, though. The great part is, you can go online […]

Brandon Underwood’s Whores Charged

Kesha Cureton

Green Bay Packers cornerback/safety Brandon Underwood wasn’t the only one charged in connection with last summer’s post-Clay Matthews golf tournament late-night rendezvous/sexual assault fiasco. The two whores Underwood brought back to his Lake Delton condo that evening, and would later accuse him of assault, were charged with prostitution.

Baylor Hopes Lil’ Wayne Cares About Women’s Basketball

You know you love Lil’ Wayne’s tribute to the Green Bay Packers, “Green and Yellow.” Weezy penned the ditty for his favorite football team during the Packers’ Super Bowl run, remixing¬†Wiz Khalifa’s “Black and Yellow.” Well, the Baylor women’s basketball team, whose colors are green and gold, loves the song too and they’ve adopted it […]

Brett Favre Will Not Be Going To Carolina

Brett Favre

Just like that, the Brett Favre to the Carolina Panthers rumors are dead. Although we didn’t believe it, we told you about the rumor yesterday, after some tool from Minnesota wrote about it in a newspaper column. It’s already been debunked.

Jolly’s Arrest Shouldn’t Change Packers’ Plans

Cullen Jenkins

There’s speculation Johnny Jolly’s second arrest for codeine possession, which put his NFL career in serious jeopardy, will force the Green Bay Packers to reevaluate re-signing defensive end Cullen Jenkins. Jenkins, who had seven sacks in 11 games in 2010, will be one of the most sought-after defensive free agents whenever free agency begins.

What? Brett Favre May Return With Carolina?

Brett Favre

Quarterback Brett Favre may return to the NFL for the 2011 season, according to Charley Walters of the St. Paul Pioneer Press, but not with the Minnesota Vikings. The Vikings seem intent on choosing a quarterback in this year’s draft and possibly adding a veteran like the Washington Redskins Donovan McNabb as a bridge until he’s ready.

Clay Matthews’ Creepy Muscle Milk Ad

Muscle Milk is running an ad campaign with Green Bay Packers linebacker Clay Matthews and Milwaukee Brewers left fielder Ryan Braun. The spots are somewhat creepy, but in a funny way. The host of the “It’s the You, Your Awesome Body and You Show” in these faux-interviews is way out there and Matthews and Braun look appropriately weirded out.

Packers Get Fourth-Round Compensatory Pick

Aaron Kampman

The Green Bay Packers got something for Aaron Kampman after all. The Packers received a fourth-round compensatory pick for losing Kampman in free agency last year. The NFL doles out draft picks for teams who lose more free agents than they sign and everyone knows the Packers don’t sign anyone, so the loss of Kampman, who signed with the Jacksonville Jaguars, landed them a pretty decent draft pick.

Johnny Jolly Arrested Again

Johnny Jolly

Somehow, I think we all knew this wouldn’t end well. Green Bay Packers defensive end Johnny Jolly, who’s currently serving an indefinite suspension from the NFL and awaiting trial for felony possession of codeine, was arrested early this morning. He was caught with 600 grams of codeine in his vehicle.

Pot Calls The Kettle Black: Finley Thinks Ochocinco Is A Clown

Jermichael Finley

Green Bay Packers tight end Jermichael Finley has a lot of time on his hands. He sometimes wastes it on Twitter, like he did Thursday, when he called out Cincinnati Bengals receiver Chad Ochocinco for trying out for an MLS team. Ochocinco is trying out for Sporting Kansas City, in what can best be described […]

Who Is NFL’s Best Pass Rusher?

Clay Matthews

It’s true. I’m a homer. So, when you’re talking about who the NFL’s best pass rusher is, I’ll say it’s the Green Bay Packers Clay Matthews. Of course, it’s hard to argue with the Dallas Cowboys DeMarcus Ware or the Indianapolis Colts Dwight Freeney, should they be your choice.

Baby Steps For Detroit Lions

Jim Schwartz

The Detroit Lions actually looked like an NFL team in 2010, two seasons after going 0-16 and nine years after former team president Matt Millen began his single-handed demolition of the organization. After starting 2-10, the Lions reeled off four consecutive victories to finish 6-10. Now there’s discussion the Lions could be considered for a prime-time slot when the new schedule is announced.

Not Everyone Sold On Brooks Reed

Brooks Reed

Arizona linebacker Brooks Reed will be the newest member of the Green Bay Packers, if you believe every idiot with a mock draft. It may not be unanimous, but Reed is the player most often associated with the Packers’ No. 32 pick. The team needs a pass-rushing, 3-4 outside linebacker and Reed fits the bill, […]

Lovie Smith: Still An Idiot

Lovie Smith

After Chicago Bears coach Lovie Smith led his team to the NFC North title and NFC Championship game last season, I began to develop some respect for him. Since then, he’s done nothing but prove my initial feeling about him correct. He’s a complete idiot.

NFL Has Dumbass New Kickoff Rule

Devin Hester

If the NFL wanted to eliminate what’s potentially one of the most exciting plays in football, they did a good job on Tuesday. The league decided to move kickoffs from the 30 to the 35-yard line. You know what that means? You’re only going to see touchbacks in the NFL, next season. Awesome! I’m probably […]

Kuhn Expects To Be Back With Packers

John Kuhn

John Kuhn isn’t doing himself any favors. Over the weekend, the pending free agent said he expects to return to the Green Bay Packers next season. Either Kuhn doesn’t expect they’ll be much of a market for his services or he doesn’t want to play anywhere else, which severely diminishes his chance of signing a big-money contract in free agency.

Packers Fans Aren’t Most Loyal In NFL

Packers fans

Horseshit! That’s the first thing that came to mind when I heard this. Green Bay Packers fans are ranked as the fourth-most loyal fans in the NFL in the latest Brand Keys Sports Loyalty Index. In order, New England Patriots fans, Pittsburgh Steelers fans and Indianapolis Colts fans are considered more loyal than Packers fans. New York Jets fans came in fifth.