Hooray! The Lockout Is Back On!

Roger Goodell

Fuck the fucking fuck NFL owners. Apparently, they didn’t get the message when their commissioner was booed as he opened the NFL Draft last night. Of course, why would they care about anyone other than themselves? Once their lockout was ruled illegal and their request for a stay was denied by U.S. District Judge Susan Richard […]

Apparently, It Was Time To Panic In Atlanta

Julio Jones

Yeah, the Atlanta Falcons and their nondescript, no-personality, never-won-a-playoff-game quarterback are a decent team. They still looked like a naked, drunken whore when the Green Bay Packers showed up and bent them over the kitchen table in the playoffs, though. After the Packers were done pounding away, the Falcons were sent home with a sore ass and the numbers 48-21 tattooed on their brains. So what do the Falcons do when the NFL Draft rolls around?

NFL Offseason Begins Today, For Real This Time

Roger Goodell

The NFL took it’s sweet time, but the league is officially open for offseason business as usual today. U.S. District Judge Susan Richard Nelson denied the league’s request for a stay Wednesday. The NFL requested the action after Nelson’s decision to lift the lockout on Monday, a decision the league is appealing. Players around the […]

The Book On Packers First-Round Pick Derek Sherrod

Derek Sherrod

Well, it took forever, but that’s the price you pay for being Super Bowl champions. With the No. 32 pick in the 2011 NFL Draft, the Green Bay Packers selected Mississippi State tackle Derek Sherrod. The Packers actually had multiple options with the pick — there were several pass-rushing outside linebackers available, most notably UCLA’s […]

Fuck It! We’re Live Blogging The NFL Draft

Yeah, although we have 20 better things we could be doing, we’re going to sit here and give you commentary, as only Total Packers can, on the first round of the 2011 NFL Draft. Check in, refresh, masturbate, leave comments or go blather about stuff in our forum. The latest info will be at the […]

Big-Time Talent Could Fall To Packers

Justin Houston

The Green Bay Packers got lucky in the 2010 NFL Draft. The player they needed, Iowa tackle Bryan Bulaga, landed in their lap at No. 23 when most “experts” expected him to go higher. Bulaga didn’t necessarily slide down draft boards because of questions about his ability, character or health, as some highly-rated prospects do.

A Historical Look At No. 32

Drew Brees

The Green Bay Packers will select at No. 32 in the first round of tonight’s NFL Draft and as you would expect, there have been some hits and plenty of misses at that particular spot in recent years. Here’s a look at the players taken at No. 32 in the past 10 years and what […]

NFL Open For Business, But Not Really

Roger Goodell

Last evening, U.S. District Judge Susan Richard Nelson denied the NFL’s request for a stay, meaning her initial ruling ending the lockout remains in effect. The league had requested a stay while they appeal Nelson’s ruling, arguing that starting the league year and activities like free agency could damage the competitive balance of the NFL. Nelson […]

Statistical Analysis Of Ted Thompson’s Drafts

Ted Thompson

The only thing that’s certain when Ted Thompson is at the helm of the Green Bay Packers draft is uncertainty. Thompson is rarely predictable, but looking at the statistics, some patterns do emerge. For example, Thompson likes drafting wide receivers. In his six drafts as general manager, Thompson has chosen eight receivers, the most of […]

Ayers Says You Can Take His 40 Time And Shove It

Akeem Ayers

You’ve probably heard the name of UCLA linebacker Akeem Ayers by now. We’ve talked about him as a possibility for the Green Bay Packers at No. 32. Well, Ayers would probably be gone well before the Packers choose in the first round of the NFL Draft if his 40 times were a little better. Ayers […]

All Is Quiet In Green Bay

Mark Murphy

A lot of people assumed players would start showing up at team facilities Tuesday morning after they were granted a temporary injunction against the NFL and their lockout on Monday. That didn’t play out in Green Bay. Exactly zero Green Bay Packers turned up at team headquarters. From the sound of it, the Packers wouldn’t […]

Cutler, Cavallari Will One Day Produce No-Talent Offspring

Jay Cutler

Chicago Bears quarterback Jay Cutler is the biggest mouth breather on the face of the planet. He’s also a quitter, but that’s not important here. Reality star Kristen Cavallari, of Laguna Beach “fame,” has no discernible talent and dumbs down every room she’s in. So really, it’s perfect that the pair, who’ve been dating since last fall, got engaged over the weekend.

Rodgers Shafted In Quarterback Rankings

Aaron Rodgers

Predictable? Yes. Correct? Not even close. The New England Patriots’ Tom Brady finished first in ESPN’s quarterback power rankings. While it’s hard to argue with the reigning NFL MVP and a three-time Super Bowl champion taking the top spot, it’s pretty easy to argue with the other two guys who finished ahead of the Green Bay Packers’ Aaron Rodgers

Packers Interested In Adding Another Fullback

Collin Mooney

If there’s one thing we know about Green Bay Packers general manager Ted Thompson, it’s that he loves his fullbacks. Even though the Packers use more four- and five-wide receiver sets than anyone in the NFL, a time the fullback isn’t typically on the field, the Packers have carried three fullbacks on their roster since they drafted Quinn Johnson in the fifth round of the 2009 NFL Draft.

Lockout Is Over, At Least Temporarily

DeMaurice Smith

The NFL’s lockout is over, at least temporarily, after U.S. District Judge Susan Richard Nelson granted the players a preliminary injunction Monday. The ruling is a victory for the players, who claimed the lockout was hurting their careers. The NFL filed an appeal in the 8th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals in St. Louis. The plaintiffs […]

Remember Aaron Rodgers’ Draft Day?

By now, you know the story of Green Bay Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers’ experience at the NFL Draft. Rodgers was under consideration for the No. 1 overall pick. The San Francisco 49ers ended up choosing Utah quarterback Alex Smith. Jon Gruden and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers passed on Rodgers several picks later.

Thompson: Analysts Are Idiots

Ted Thompson

Green Bay Packers general manager Ted Thompson thinks everyone trying to figure out who the team will choose in the NFL Draft is an idiot. Thompson told Peter King he doesn’t think analysts know what they’re talking about. “There’s a lot of interest in the draft. It’s great. But quite frankly, most of the people […]

Jermichael Finley Is Back!

Jermichael Finley

Okay, maybe we’re jumping the gun a little bit. Green Bay Packers tight end Jermichael Finley is back in one sense, though. Finley started running routes and catching passes for the first time on Friday since injuring his knee in October.

Packers Are ‘Anti-Family’

Aaron Rodgers

Yeah, that’s right. Some blogger in Wisconsin named Deke Rivers thinks the NFL and Green Bay Packers aren’t family-friendly and don’t respect Christmas because the Packers will be the first team in NFL history to play on Thanksgiving, Christmas Day and New Years Day this coming season. Deke says Christmas and other holidays are about […]

How To Douche Up An Already Douchey Event Even More

Favre Boston Marathon

They have a marathon in Boston at some point every year. I don’t pay attention. Running that far is for idiots and people who can’t afford rice. Oh! Look! I beat my personal best! Oh! Look! I can buy my starving Ethiopian family a bag of rice by pawning this medal! Oh! Look! I proved […]