Jay Cutler

Vomit-Inducing News Of The Day: Jay Cutler Getting Engaged

Jay Cutler

The more I think about it, the more this makes sense.

A no-talent quarterback is getting engaged to a no-talent reality star.

That’s right, mouth-breather extraordinaire and all-around vagina, Chicago Bears quarterback Jay Cutler is getting engaged.

Jay Cutler Is Weak And Everyone Knows It

Jay Cutler

How does your starting quarterback not finish the NFC Championship game? Ask the Chicago Bears. Jay Cutler left the NFC Championship game in the third quarter with what turned out to be a sprained MCL. He then stood and watched the rest of the game from the sideline. You’d think they would have had to […]

The Most Interesting Man In Chicago

Jay Cutler -- Most Interesting Man in Chicago

Ah, gotta be Chicago Bears quarterback and legendary mouth breather Jay Cutler, who helped usher the Green Bay Packers into the playoffs with much fanfare this past weekend by tossing two interceptions. Oh, I should have noted where he threw those two interceptions. Thanks to Mike for passing this on.

The Honeymoon Is Over… Again

The honeymoon between quarterback Jay Cutler and the Chicago Bears… or at least Chicago Bears fans and the Chicago media, didn’t last long. The guy who was supposed to take the Bears to the promised land (preseason, 2009), quickly became the guy who was being booed off the field (regular season, 2009) on his way […]

DeAngelo Hall Thinks Jay Cutler Is An Idiot, So Do We

If any of you watched the turd laid by the Chicago Bears, particularly on offense, in their loss to the Washington Redskins, last Sunday, then you deserve an apology. Actually, you deserve an apology from the NFL for even putting crap like that on TV. Both teams are terrible offensively. Most of all, the guy […]

Jay Cutler Or Aaron Rodgers?

We wouldn’t expect an unbiased answer from anyone here if they were asked to pick between Green Bay Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers and Chicago Bears quarterback Jay Cutler. It’s a different case when you ask several NFL analysts, which the Chicago Sun Times Sean Jensen did. Out of 10 analysts polled, eight chose Rodgers. Two […]

Lowly Bears Apologize To Fans In Full-Page Ad

My days are numbered....

Ah, how the mighty have fallen. Picked by some in the preseason to win the Super Bowl, the Chicago Bears instead struggled to a 7-9 record and failed to make the playoffs for the third season in a row. In response, the team took out a full-page ad in two of Chicago’s papers Monday apologizing […]

Did Cutler Flip Off Chicago Fans?

Eff yall! Wheres Shanny when I need him?

One of the more entertaining stories coming out of the Chicago Bears’ delightful OT victory over the slumping Minnesota Vikings involves Bears quarterback/mouth breather extraordinaire Jay Cutler. Pro Football Talk’s Mike Florio asks whether Cutler flipped off Chicago fans after they booed the Bears’ decision to take a knee with nine seconds left in regulation […]

Jay Cutler = Jeff George

According to NFL analyst and former Baltimore Ravens coach Brian Billick, Chicago Bears’ quarterback Jay Cutler is the new Jeff George. George is the former No. 1 overall draft pick who played for seven teams in his 14 NFL seasons. He had the strongest arm I’ve ever seen, but was severely lacking in the areas […]

Oh Yeah, Packers Are Playing The Bears This Week

In case you forgot, the Green Bay Packers are playing the Chicago Bears this week. That had kind of slipped my mind because… what’s that old song? Oh yeah, it’s this one. The Bears (5-7) are bad this season for a lot of reasons. Most noted is the fact quarterback Jay Culter leads the league […]

Chicago Bears Fans Turning on Jay Cutler Already

Jay Cutler

It’s true. Chicago Bears’ quarterback Jay Cutler hasn’t performed up to the lofty, Jesus-like expectations set out for him when he arrived from Denver. Sure, he leads the league in interceptions with 18 (vs. 15 touchdown passes). It’s true that Cutler interceptions put an end to any chance the Bears had in their last two […]

Chicago: Where Quarterbacks Go To Die

Jay Cutler

We all know what happens when the Green Bay Packers aren’t playing well. We all pile on coach Mike McCarthy (and rightfully so) and general manager Ted Thompson. Well, in Chicago they do it a little differently. When the Bears are playing poorly, they pile it on their former Messiah, quarterback Jay Cutler. Cutler has […]

No, Dan Grossman, Father Doesn’t Know Best

Grossman in a familiar position

Chalk this one up to embarrassing things my pushy parents say. Except in this case, the “child” is 29-year-old former Chicago Bears quarterback Rex Grossman. And the parent is his dad, Dan, an ophthalmologist from Bloomington, Ind., who came out swinging Monday against his son’s former team. The elder Grossman essentially blamed the Bears’ organization […]

Taking a Time Out for Some Chicago Bears Delusion

Heres your next Tom Brady, folks!

I about crapped right in my pants when I read this headline from the Chicago Tribune. You ready for this? “Is Jay Cutler the second coming of Tom Brady?” That’s a real headline. Seriously. My sides hurt from laughing. Anyway, in this brilliant article Rick Morrissey deftly explains why Cutler, the Chicago Bears savior, may […]

Jay Cutler – Drunk, Stoned, or Just Dumb?

By now, I’m sure you’ve caught the replay of Jay Cutler getting his helmet knocked off by the referee on Sunday. You know, the one where Cutler is seemingly oblivious to the guy standing right in front of him waving his arms. We mentioned before how Cutler always seems to look drunk, and this only […]

The Packers Defensive Resurgence Begins On The Line And A Few Other Notes

No, it wasn’t lost on us. We pointed out how well the Green Bay Packers defense played in week one both during the game and in the aftermath. That, however, has been somewhat lost in the blather surrounding the terrible performance of the Packers offensive line. It should be noted, though, both Cullen Jenkins and […]

Lovie Gets A New Toy: How Bernard Pollard Screwed The Packers

Personally, I think the NFL blogosphere needs more paranoid conspiracy theories and superstition. With this article, TotalPackers.com will try to do just that – I will examine a fascinating chain reaction of retarded events that may culminate in the Chicago Bears becoming relevant once again, much to the chagrin of my beloved Green Bay Packers. […]