Chicago Bears
Jay Cutler’s Knee Fantastic, Vagina Still Hurts
Jun 15th
We’re glad to know the get well card we sent to Chicago Bears quarterback Jay Cutler after he stood around with a dumb look on his face for the second half of the NFC Championship game paid off. Cutler, who “sprained his knee” at the beginning of the third quarter, is back to playing football now that nothing at all is on the line.
Connecting The Dots: Chicago Bears Receivers
May 23rd
One of the problems the Chicago Bears have had in the Jay Cutler era, other than a terrible offensive line, is the lack of a top-flight, go-to receiver. It’s one of the reasons they’re the second-best team in the NFC North, despite what last year’s regular-season record and Brian Urlacher’s pea brain say.
And Now We’re Saving Chicago Bears Fans’ Lives
May 22nd
Why are Green Bay Packers fans the best in the NFL? Because of shit like this. Suffering from Hepatitis C, the 55-year-old Chicago resident would have died had he not received a liver transplant at the University of Wisconsin Hospital in Madison on March 14, 2010. [Peter] Cashman later discovered that the donor was Amy [...]
Urlacher: Bears Are Best In NFC
May 17th
We knew Chicago Bears linebacker Brian Urlacher was a meathead, but he might be dumber than we thought. He clearly doesn’t understand how the NFL playoffs work. Otherwise, how could he say something this stupid?
Jerry Angelo Makes Chicago Bears A Joke On Draft Day Again
May 3rd
It’s taken me a while to get to this, but now it’s time to lay into the joke in the NFC North not named the Minnesota Vikings — the Chicago Bears. Actually, it’s not the Bears whole organization that’s a joke, it’s general manager Jerry Angelo, which should come as a surprise to no one. If you watched the first round of the 2011 NFL Draft, you saw Angelo’s ineptitude in action, although you probably couldn’t tell what was really going on.
Bears Will Target Cullen Jenkins
Apr 6th
The Chicago Bears will target Green Bay Packers defensive end Cullen Jenkins whenever free agency begins, according to John Mullin of CSN Chicago. The Bears are looking to improve their defensive line and after re-signing defensive tackle Anthony Adams, Jenkins will be the team’s second priority.
In Chicago, It’s A Good Idea To Let Devin Hester Be A Writer
Mar 31st
Man, I don’t even know where to begin. As someone who can actually string a comprehensible sentence together, I’m offended. There’s a magazine called Chicago Parent and someone there decided it would be a good idea to give Chicago Bears returner Devin Hester a column in said magazine. Hester’s first column just came out and… [...]
Create Your Own Chicago Bears License Plate!
Mar 29th
The gods have smiled on us today, friends! The state of Illinois has introduced Chicago Bears license plates so people from Illinois can be even more obnoxious and look even dumber while they’re trashing the fine state of Wisconsin this summer. That’s not the great part, though. The great part is, you can go online [...]
Lovie Smith: Still An Idiot
Mar 24th
After Chicago Bears coach Lovie Smith led his team to the NFC North title and NFC Championship game last season, I began to develop some respect for him. Since then, he’s done nothing but prove my initial feeling about him correct. He’s a complete idiot.
Iron Mike Cuts A Rug!
Mar 16th
They were even dumber in Chicago in the 1980s. If you remember the idiots who wrote the song about Chicago Bears return man Devin Hester, and you thought it couldn’t get any worse, you were sadly mistaken. Today, we bring you this gem, which is obviously from the ’80s and features former Bears coach Mike Ditka doing, among other things, tearing up the dance floor, playing foosball by himself and carrying a clipboard around the club.
Would The Real Jay Cutler Please Stand Up?
Mar 6th
I’m not clever enough to write an entire article referencing Eminem’s popular song in witty sorts of ways, nor would I want any of you to think I’m a fan of his. So, the analogies cease here and onto the real question: does anyone else find it hilarious that Jay Cutler’s namesake is this meathead? [...]
Lovie Smith Gets His Extension, Talks Up Cutler
Feb 25th
The Chicago Bears have given coach Lovie Smith a two-year contract extension.
Smith, who was entering the final year of a four-year contract, made $5.5 million under his old deal, making him one of the highest-paid coaches in the NFL. Assuming he didn’t take a pay cut, Smith makes slightly more than Green Bay Packers coach Mike McCarthy, who recently signed an extension paying him an average of $5 million a year.
Quitler
Feb 24th
Remember when Chicago Bears quarterback Jay Cutler quit on his team during the second half of the NFC Championship game against the Green Bay Packers because his vagina hurt?
In case you forgot about it, I thought now would be as good a time as any to remind you.
Dave Duerson Committed Suicide
Feb 19th
When I heard former Chicago Bears safety Dave Duerson died on Thursday, I didn’t pay much attention.
People die every day.
Things changed on Saturday, however, when it was revealed Duerson committed suicide by shooting himself in the chest.
They’re Despondent In Chicago
Feb 17th
2010 was a good season for the Chicago Bears — they won the NFC North, they made it to the NFC Championship game, and… yeah, well, they lost to a hated division rival with the Super Bowl on the line.
That’s gotta leave a bad taste in your mouth.
Coincidence?
Jan 30th
What’s the phrase? A picture is worth a thousand words? This one might be worth a million.
Bill Murray Thinks Ray Nitschke Is A Pussy
Jan 29th
Bill Murray is awesome. He’s also a Chicago Bears fan, which makes him a little less… scratch that — a lot less awesome. Apparently, Murray was at the NFC Championship game last weekend, cheering on his Bears as they fell to the mighty Green Bay Packers. Sorry, Bill. Anyway, here’s a story we picked up [...]
Peppers Fined For Hit On Rodgers
Jan 27th
Chicago Bears defensive end Julius Peppers was fined $10,000 by the NFL for his helmet-to-helmet hit on Green Bay Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers in the NFC Championship game. The hit occurred at the 11:20 mark in the fourth quarter and it drew a personal foul penalty. It also looked cheap as fuck, but Rodgers didn’t [...]
Obama Gets A Green Bay Welcome
Jan 26th
President Barack Obama flew into Green Bay this morning for an appearance and speech in Manitowoc. When he landed, the Chicago Bears fan was the recipient of two Green Bay Packers jerseys. The second, which is pictured above, was Charles Woodson’s No. 21 with the following personally signed message. “To President Obama See you at [...]
Poor Chicago
Jan 21st
Like Rodney Dangerfield, the Chicago Bears get no respect. Just take a look at the results of this SportsNation poll. In case you can’t quite see it, every state in the nation other than Illinois is picking the Green Bay Packers to beat the Bears, this weekend. Although Indiana is red, meaning the highest percentage [...]