Ra'Shede Hageman

Well, we warned you. Or maybe it was a threat. In railing against how stupid and pointless mock drafts are last week, we threatened to do one of our own. Except, instead of sitting here and pretending we know so much more about the draft than you do, we were going to let whoever wanted to participate do just that.

And that’s what we did.

We did it kind of like a fantasy football draft without reversing the order of who picked. The wild card was the Green Bay Packers’ pick, where we tried to come to a consensus on the choice based on who was available. That didn’t happen, so we went the old democratic route and slotted the guy with the most supporters in.

Vijay is still pissed about that one.

Here’s the outcome. And unlike other mock drafts, we can assure you this one is going to be spot on from pick No. 1 to pick No. 32. More on the Packers pick at the end.

1. Houston Texans (Monty)
Jadeveon Clowney, DE, South Carolina
We know the Texans want to trade this pick and they probably will. That being said, whoever picks here is taking the best player in the draft and that guy is Clowney.

2. St. Louis Rams (Ben)
Sammy Watkins, WR, Clemson
The Rams would love to trade back and pick up multiple picks. But why not roll the dice and grab the best skill player in the draft. Pairing Watkins with Tavon Austin may actually be enough to make Sam Bradford look like a No. 1 pick.

3. Jacksonville Jaguars (Shawn)
Teddy Bridgewater, QB, Louisville
The Jacksonville XFLers will take Terry Bridgewater. You HAVE to have a QB in this league and Bridgewater has the fewest question marks.

4. Cleveland Browns (Tyler)
Khalil Mack, OLB, Buffalo
Browns GM Ray Farmer says he “knows who he’d like to draft.” But that may be with the idea that Khalil Mack, most teams’ No. 2-ranked defensive player, is off his big board already. Coach Mike Pettite is a former linebackers coach for the Baltimore Ravens, making this selection all the more agreeable.

5. Oakland Raiders (Vijay)
Greg Robinson, OT, Auburn
Reggie McKenzie is ecstatic to find a top-three-rated talent slip to him in this draft. Robinson immediately upgrades the protection for Matt Schaub and vastly upgrades the Raiders rushing attack. Robinson combines elite measurables with strength and rare agility to play either tackle spot.

6. Atlanta Falcons (Monty)
Jake Matthews, OT, Texas A&M
The Falcons line was one of, if not the worst in the NFL last season and you’ve got to protect that mediocre quarterback if you’re going to pretend he’s, you know, good. Matthews is as good of guy as any to do that.

7. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (Ben)
Mike Evans, WR, Texas A&M
With Mike Williams shipped to Siberia… I mean Buffalo, Lovie Smith would love to find a game changer for his man crush, QB Josh McCown. Evans can provide that in spades — a big body who can control the perimeter, a legit No. 1.

8. Minnesota Vikings (Shawn)
Blake Bortles, QB, Central Florida
With Rodgers, Cutler and Stafford within the division, one could argue that the NFC North is the most QB-stacked division in the NFL. The Vikings need to join the party or forever reconcile themselves to the cellar. Defense is a concern as well, but as long as Clowney and Mack are off the board, then a QB is the obvious pick. Personally, with three pocket passers already in the division, I think the Vikings should take Johnny Manziel and shake it up. The other three defenses are not used to dealing with running QBs. BUT, this is the Vikings we are talking about, and it is inevitable that they screw this up, which means Bortles or David Carr is the man for them.

9. Buffalo Bills (Tyler)
Taylor Lewan, OT, Michigan
It would seem as though Donald Trump’s future team is married to E.J. Manuel for better or worse and the Bills are crossing their fingers hoping one of the three premium tackles is still on the board. Lewan gives Buffalo the meat and potatoes they need to expand Nathaniel Hackett’s offense, teaming him with 24-year-old Cordy Glenn.

10. Detroit Lions (Vijay)
Justin Gilbert, CB, Oklahoma State
Gilbert fills an obvious need to upgrade the secondary and return game. Also, he’s a tall corner who can better defend taller receivers in the NFC North.

11. Tennessee Titans (Monty)
Johnny Manziel, QB, Texas A&M
Well, I am shitting myself if I’m the Tennessee Titans and John Football is still on the board. Not only will he make our boring-ass franchise exciting, but we can now stop pretending Jake Locker is the answer.

12. New York Giants (Ben)
Aaron Donald, DT, Pitt
The Giants relied heavily on the D line during there two recent Super Bowl wins — a line that has been decimated the last few years. Enter Aaron Donald. Providing an immediate boost, he would anchor a leaky Giants defense for years to come.

13. St. Louis Rams (Shawn)
Ha Ha Clinton-Dix, S, Alabama
With the top tackles off the board the Rams will continue their splashy draft by taking Ha Ha Clinton-Dix. The pairing of Watkins with Clinton-Dix will make the Rams the obvious media darlings of the draft. Of course, it helps when you have two top 13 picks.

14. Chicago Bears (Tyler)
Calvin Pryor, S, Louisville
General manager Phil Emery clenched his teeth a bit when Aaron Donald went 12th to the Giants, but he said May 1 that the Bears are “eyeing six players for 14th pick” and with Chicago’s obvious needs up the middle of their defense, Da Bears can’t afford anything other than best available DEFENSIVE player. Well, the Bears get that with Pryor’s heavy hitting and noted leadership.

15. Pittsburgh Steelers (Vijay)
Darqueze Dennard, CB, Michigan State
Dennard is a tough press corner and addresses a need. The much-needed youth movement begins for Steelers’ D.

16. Dallas Cowboys (Monty)
Louis Nix, DT, Notre Dame
The Cowboys need defense period, but they really need help up front. With Aaron Donald off the board, the pick was going to be Timmy Jernigan, but he reportedly had a diluted urine sample at the combine. That’s probably moving him back, making Nix the guy here.

17. Baltimore Ravens (Ben)
Eric Ebron, TE, North Carolina
Ozzie Newsome just shat himself with overwhelming joy. Ebron is the best tight end in the draft and fills a need in Baltimore. Dennis Pitta has always been serviceable, but bringing in Ebron immediately upgrades the Flacco-led offense.

18. New York Jets (Shawn)
Odell Beckham, WR, LSU
And Rex Ryan just shat himself because the Ravens took his tight end. The Jets HAVE to go offensive weapon here. They have a dearth of capable receivers, but Beckham should help that a little.

19. Miami Dolphins (Tyler)
C.J. Mosley, ILB, Alabama
Jonathan Martin is sensitive to the fact he is Mulatto. Richie Incognito’s “ween still hurts” … the Miami Dolphins are a shitty mess. So conventional wisdom says to go safe with offensive line, right? Wrong. The Phins have summoned the services of tackle Branden Albert using large bags full of money and the prospect of the Miami night life to protect Lauren Tannehill’s husband’s blind side. This draft will offer other offensive linemen later. The Phish take the draft’s best inside linebacker. Best available and a position of need.

20. Arizona Cardinals (Vijay)
Zack Martin, G, Notre Dame
They upgraded the left side of the O line with free agent Jared Veldeer and last year’s first round pick Jonathan Cooper. It’s time for them to focus on upgrading the right side with this versatile and safe offensive line prospect.

21. Green Bay Packers (Democracy)
Ra’Shede Hageman, DT, Minnesota
With the two first-round safeties and the only first-round inside linebacker gone, the Packers have to resort to plan D and that’s not necessarily a bad plan. The Packers defensive line is so-so at best and Hageman has All Pro potential. He also can be invisible at times, but that’s a chance the Packers are happy to take with his upside.

22. Philadelphia Eagles (Monty)
Anthony Barr, OLB, UCLA
As good as the Eagles offense was in 2013, their defense was equally as bad. They need a pass rusher and they’re happy to find Barr, one of the quickest pass rushers in the draft, in this slot.

23. Kansas City Chiefs (Ben)
Xavier Su’a-Filo, G, UCLA
I find my self drafting for a lot of receiver-needy teams and the Chiefs fit into that category. But let’s be honest, the Chiefs have a shitload of needs on the offensive side of the ball. So why not pick up a mauler of a guard to help open up holes for Jamaal Charles? And every team wants a nasty Polynesian offensive lineman.

24. Cincinnati Bengals (Shawn)
Jason Verrett, CB, TCU
The Bengals have one great cornerback in Leon Hall and he was injured last season. This pick gives them a top-notch tandem, providing Hall can stay healthy and some insurance if he can’t.

25. San Diego Chargers (Tyler)
Kyle Fuller, CB, Virginia Tech
Every time Philip Rivers delivers a football, I feel as though I’m looking at an immobile farm boy shot put a potato cake into a pit of hungry seagulls. So to counter that, the Chargers had a pretty impressive draft last season, grabbing D.J. Fluker and Keenan Allen. Look, the guy with the phony girlfriend is not enough. The Bolts need more defense… defensive line or corner here. Quentin Jammer is getting a bit long in the tooth, so they race to the podium for this tough corner that can play press-man or zone.

26. Cleveland Browns (Vijay)
Derek Carr, QB, Fresno State
The Browns’ patience pays off in a big, big way as they land their potential franchise QB in the latter part of round one instead of risking their earlier pick. Carr will be a game changer in Cleveland and will restore the Carr family’s good name.

27. New Orleans Saints (Monty)
Marqise Lee, WR, USC
We haven’t seen many receivers go thus far, but the addition of Marqise Lee gives Drew Brees a gigantic hardon. Lee, Jimmy Graham, Marques Colston and Kenny Stills give the Saints the deepest and scariest receiving corps in the league, which should push them back to the top of the NFC South.

28. Carolina Panthers (Ben)
Brandin Cooks, WR, Oregon State
Another receiver-hungry team! But this time a team that has no other choice but wide receiver. With this pick they can pair Cooks with… wait for it… Jerricho Cotchery! Yeah, it’s that bad. Good news for the Panthers, Cooks looks like a gem. Dynamic after the pass, Cam would love to have this weapon.

29. New England Patriots (Shawn)
Dee Ford, DE, Auburn
I don’t think the Patriots are necessarily entering this draft thinking that they need another pass rushing defensive end other than the fact that you ALWAYS need another pass rushing defensive end. The Patriots did very well in getting Chandler Jones a couple years ago. They will try to bookend him now with a guy that some thought the Falcons might toy with all the way up at No. 5.

30. San Francisco 49ers (Tyler)
Bradley Roby, CB, Ohio St.
There are almost no guarantees in an NFL draft. But I feel the 49ers moving up from the No. 30 spot is as close as you could get to one. They are a talented team flush with multiple picks. Last year, they moved-up to snag Eric Reid. Good call! Best available for San Fran here… errr… not so fast. Carlos Rogers has departed and wouldn’t you know it, the Niners are back in the news again! Projected starting cornerback Chris Culliver was recently arrested, adding to the list of terrorists, rapists and thugs. So why not add a talented corner like Roby that recently had a (reduced) DUI charge and was suspended for his junior season for a bar brawl? I dunno. He really fits that 49ers mold. A match made in pigskin heaven really.

31. Denver Broncos (Vijay)
Timmy Jernigan, DT, Florida State
The acquisition of key defensive players via free agency last year helped the Broncos reach the Super Bowl. They’re not done adding to that side of the ball as they seek to maintain their position as the AFC’s top dog. Jernigan is a versatile three technique who plays on all three downs and probably smokes a little doobie on the side. A top 20 talent slips for that reason to the AFC champs.

32. Seattle Seahawks (Monty)
Austin Seferian-Jenkins, TE, Washington
You’re probably thinking, whoa! This guy isn’t really a first-round prospect. Well, the Seahawks don’t care what anyone thinks (see Bruce Irvin) and it seems to work (see the Super Bowl). The Hawks take the local kid because he’s a matchup nightmare and it addresses probably their one area of need. The rich get richer.


We were sitting on the Packers’ pick this morning and, as I noted earlier, there was no consensus. Hageman got two out of the five votes. They were mine and Ben’s. Here’s what the other guys had to say.

Vijay had Anthony Barr.

How do you pass up another pass rusher with ascending talent? He needs to get stronger (15 reps), but he’s got the frame and work ethic to get there. His speed quicks (1.57 10-yd split) and professional makeup are given high marks.

He then went on with steam coming out of his ears.

Ted drafts value. Barr is a top-15 value. Perhaps same can be said for Fuller. Well, at least top 20. You can never have enough pass rushers or corners and Fuller can play any position in the defensive backfield. Barr has ELITE speed from the snap of the football. Who else besides Sam Shields or Clay Matthews provides us with elite quicks (1.57 10-yd split) on that side of the ball? Answer… nobody. Also he may be a one-trick pony rushing on passing downs in year one, but what if injuries happen? I mean CMIII and Perry play full seasons, right? Nope. Peppers is still in his prime, right? Nope, not buying it. Again you can never have enough pass rushers and big corners… see Seattle Seahawks.

Note, Vijay REALLY likes that 1.57 10-yd split. I don’t even know what the fuck that is.

Anyway, this argument almost made me pull the trigger on Barr. Instead, it made me like him just enough to select him for the Eagles one pick later. I mean, how many years in a row can we pick a pass rusher from a Los Angeles school before we learn? Am I right?

Tyler had Kyle Fuller.

As a Packers fan, I am 10 Miller Lites deep and angry that the “hot run at QB” did not take place, which would have brought one of the studs I was hoping for to us — Pryor, Clinton-Dix, Mosley, Dennard. All-in-all, it comes down to “best available”… period. This is how Ted Thompson drafts. I like it. So… uh… Anthony Barr, right? But Green Bay has that position covered with Matthews, Perry, D. Jones, Peppers and Neal. I think Ted is pissed at this point and tries to trade back. As a fan, I think it would be a reach for Austin Seferian-Jenkins, Marqise Lee or Ryan Shazier. So I believe TT goes with the player he has graded the highest and I’m guessing that player is Kyle Fuller, CB, Virginia Tech.

Shawn had someone else that after two days of mock drafting, I cannot find or remember. It wasn’t any of the guys above however.

Finally, thanks to Ben, Tyler, Shawn and Vijay for going through this exasperating process with us. We will never, ever being doing another mock draft again… until next year.

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