Marshall Newhouse

You can officially thank whatever god it is you believe in. Marshall Newhouse will not be suiting up for the Green Bay Packers this season or, hopefully, ever again.

Newhouse was signed by the Cincinnati Bengals today.

I don’t know anything about the deal. The deal is not important. What is important is that Newhouse is gone. Good riddance. Newhouse led the Packers in sacks allowed in each of his two full seasons as a starter (2011 and 2012).

He was equally bad during spot duty in 2013.

Some Twitter hero said it best — Newhouse isn’t a bad guy, he’s just a bad football player.

Lombardi couldn’t have put it better himself.

As for the Bengals, well, they like to reward mediocrity. Look no further than head coach Marvin Lewis’ recent contract extension. Usually you have to win at least one playoff game to have a head coaching job as long as Lewis has had his. Not in Cincy.

Now they’ve gone from rewarding mediocrity to awarding atrocity. As in Marshall Newhouse. His play. Atrocious.

But here’s a contract anyway Marshall, courtesy of the Cincinnati Buttholes!

Their next move will surely be signing The Red Rifle, Andy Dalton, to a lifetime deal worth $22 million annually.