Captain Munnerlyn

Which NFC North team was the least active in free agency on Thursday? If you guessed the Green Bay Packers, you win! Unfortunately, you don’t win anything because anyone who knows anything about football knows the Packers sit around with their thumbs in their asses during free agency.

Packers free agents

Not much to report here. The Packers re-signed tight end Andrew Quarless. Woooooo!

James Jones appears to be that guy whose name gets tossed around by teams who are really looking to sign another receiver. For example — “Hey, take our offer or we’re going to give it to James Jones.” The Lions were supposedly interested. They signed Golden Tate instead. Then the Jets were supposedly interested. They signed Eric Decker instead. No idea who’s interested at this point. This is starting to look a lot like Jones’ last foray into free agency.

NFC North

The Chicago Bears continued throwing money at mediocre players. On Thursday, they signed former Lions defensive end Willie Young to a three-year, $9 million deal. They also got former Panthers receiver Domenik Hixon on a one-year deal.

Young had 47 tackles and three sacks in 2013. Hixon had seven catches for 55 yards. Yes, that’s all season. SUPER BOWL! WOOOOOOOOO!

The Detroit Lions went and made up for the catastrophic loss of Young by signing Darryl Tapp. He played defensive end for the Redskins in 2013 — and not very well, we might add — registering 10 tackles and a sack. The Leos also signed defensive tackle Vaughn Martin. He had one tackle in 2013. Yes, all of 2013.

Perhaps surprisingly, mostly because these asshats never do anything right, the Minnesota Vikings made the best signing of the day in the NFC North. They signed former Panthers cornerback Captain Munnerlyn. He had 74 tackles and two picks for the NFL’s second-best defense in 2013. The Vikings, meanwhile, sucked at cornerback in 2013, so a cardboard cutout of Fred Smoot would be an improvement.

Guys the Packers were “interested” in

Yes, the Packers occasionally express interest in someone else’s free agents. That interest usually turns into nothing because the Packers refuse to pay market value for anyone originating from another team.

Well, the Packers aren’t really interested in anyone other than Vance Walker that we’ve heard of. They probably should have been interested in outside linebacker LaMarr Woodley, who was cut by the Steelers earlier this week, but of course… nada.

Woodley signed with the Raiders on Thursday, so it doesn’t matter anyway.

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