Might as well start the day off with this. The Green Bay Packers are no good right now, but neither is anyone else in the NFC North, including the Chicago Bears.
The Bears lost to the St. Louis Rams on Sunday. Scratch that. They got killed by the St. Louis Rams on Sunday. A Rams team with your grandma starting at quarterback.
Seriously, Sam Bradford wasn’t playing and I don’t even know who St. Louis trots out there these days, so I just put your grandmother in the starting lineup because it’s pretty much the same thing. And she trounced the Bears.
Anyway, these two bros were predictably shitfaced after that game and, well, we should have a foot race! Because my speed is clearly superior to your speed and that matters because… it just does!
And I will prove it!
This turns out about as spectacularly as you might expect and for that, we thank you Chicago Bears bros.
Sweet home, Chicago!