By the Way, the Chicago Bears Season is Over

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1980s Jay Cutler

1980s Jay Cutler

Because, Cutty! The Chicago Bears lost a game on Sunday and relinquished their lead to the NFC North (along with the Detroit Lions, who also shit the bed) to the Green Bay Packers. They also lost something else — quarterback Jay Cutler to a sprained vagina.

Cutty! will be out at least four weeks with, oh, a torn groin, which, actually, for Cutler means a torn vagina.

How do you tear your vagina? I don’t know because I don’t have one. But, Cutty!

Cutty! has one! And it’s torn!

So anyway, instead of leading the division until November and giving Chicago Bears fans all kind of hope and then fading badly in the second half and letting the Green Bay Packers win the North, the Bears and their fans can just pack it in now.

No Cutty! No chance.

The Cut had thrown for 1,658 yards, 12 touches and seven picks before going down.

The Bears will now turn to Josh McCown, who will surely lead them to the promised land (according to the Bears fans that haven’t jumped off that bandwagon yet). He’s not to be confused with Chicago Bears legend Cade McNown.

Two different guys.

McCown has played for five teams in 10 NFL seasons… because he’s awesome.

He’s 13-20 as a starter. He’s thrown for 38 career touchdowns and 44 career interceptions.

Oh, also, linebacker Lance Briggs is down for four to six with a shoulder injury.

So, if the Packers can stop losing guys to career-ending injuries every week, we’ve got the division wrapped!

About The Author

Monty McMahon is one of the founders of Total Packers. He is probably the most famous graduate of UW-Oshkosh next to Jim Gantner.

40 Comments on "By the Way, the Chicago Bears Season is Over"

  1. Icebowler

    I heard he was out late the night before getting lap dances, celebrating Vandy’s first win over a ranked (Georgia) team in six years. Those dances can be hard on the groin area.

  2. rebelgb

    I know most of the ribbing is due to the fact the guy is QB for Da Bears but I take offense to the constant call by you faggots to his manhood.

    The guy is a Type 1 Diabetic who still managed to make it to the NFL. My son is Type 1 and has been for 19 years.

    I guarantee Cutler is more man than any of you internet hero’s who probably shouldnt be even using the word “vagina” since the only time youve seen one was in a magazine or as part of online anime.

    But you keep prattling on internet warriors. Drink your mountain dew, eat your Doritos and keep browsing the best builds to win at League of Legends……

    • douche baggins

      hey why dont you quit being a whiney bitch and making accusations. maybe we hate him because hes overracted, or a complete piece of shit and has proven so time and time again.

    • Cheese

      Really? The guy who routinely makes racist comments while using words like “blacks and niggers” is going to complain about calling Cutler a vagina?

    • pf4l

      That does it!!…I don’t want any more of you faggots writing anything about Cutlers vagina anymore, cuz it hurt rebels feelings. Have a coke and a smile dude…relax…………………………………………………………. Now where the hell are my doritos?

  3. Don Q

    Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t this site based off from talking shit about other teams and getting excited for Packers football. Fuck Cutler and his piss poor attitude.

  4. Nacho Libre

    Maybe this is a good thing for the bears. That Mc-ass-Clown did pretty good against Washington yesterday, almost walked away with a victory.

  5. Iltarion

    Ah, Josh McCown was a noticeable improvement yesterday.

    What is far more troubling to Bear fans is that Briggs and Tillman both went down yesterday, and the defense made the 2011 Packers look like the Monsters of the Midway in the second half.

    Last I checked, other than some injuries on the offensive line that haven’t hurt them too much, the Lions are nearly 100% healthy. So, this division is hardly wrapped.

  6. the real russ letlow

    come on Reb, take it easy. thems some harsh words. We’re all Packers fans here, bro, banging on the opposition and having some fun doing it.

  7. Kate

    The Vagina is made to with stand a really good pounding and help give birth to babies. I find it an insult to call Culter something that is strong and deals with crap and keeps going!! The vagina doesn’t tear either!

  8. DD

    Haha! It’s so cute seeing self-conscious “Packers” (get it?) fans of the team with the gayest sallow faced quarterback in the league try to rip on other players because they are scared shitless of the fact that they cheer week-in and week-out for a weird looking homo who shoves his roommate’s dong up his asshole every night. Come on, what’s up with that queer looking sneer? Every time he smiles it seriously looks like he thinking about swallowing jizz. ‘Night guys.

  9. GBslacker

    Moving on from Cutler…

    I’m tracking the MNF game. After 25 attempts, Freeman has a 31.9 passer rating.

    Allen is a FA after this season, right ?

    Wonder if they try to ditch AP? That’s a boatload of money ($10-14 mil range for next several years, IIRC…) to spend on a player for a team that won’t really have a QB for a couple of years — coinciding with him turning 30.

    MN could have a very different look soon.

    • E. Wolf

      This is a dilemma. Who do I want to lose–Giants or Vikings? I have a grudging respect for the Giants, but still want them to lose. Sooner they are eliminated the better. I hate the Vikings. But I do not want them to lose so many games they get a top five draft pick (unless it is a in year they go 0-16–that would fucking RULE).
      I guess the good thing is that the announcer said the Vikings are 1-5, Giants 0-6, and they look it.

  10. Don Q

    It looks like those purple cock slurpers are getting ass-raped by an 0-6 team. How’s that taste DD you fucking aberration.

    • E. Wolf

      That is what I do not want to happen, at least not too much. I want the Vikings around 6-10 every year. Top five draft picks several years in a row could help them rebuild, maybe. May they walow in mediocrity FOREVER, a potential 0-16 season excepted.

  11. Nacho Libre

    DD is that the same sneer your hillbilly father gives you every night when he “tucks” you into bed? Since we’re no longer using the word faggot I’ll call you a sodomite.

  12. typical fat packer fan

    Let’s just pray our horrible line doesn’t let the same thing happen to our unmarried QB who for some reason has 2 male ‘roommates.’

  13. rebelgb

    Ok here we go.

    First off fuck you faggots. Only fags are upset by the use of the word faggots. Oh and lefty progressive liberals who think that being offended (even if they arent a faggot) somehow makes them ‘enlightened’. They too are faggots, just not of the pole smoking, fudge packing kind.

    As for Josh Freeman, holy shit ive never heard so many excuses shed upon a shitty, losing QB who is sucking. Gruden might as well come out and say it: “hes a black QB who we all wanted to succeed and has sucked, therefore I shall blame others.”

    Funny if you look at Fraziers record career wise as head coach, and look at the state of his current team, you would think the guy would be talked about as the first coach to go this year, even possibly during the season. Remember this is a guy who only got the job after being an Interim Coach and his players went to the owner and begged for him to keep the job (oh gee big surprise, a bunch of darkies went to an owner and asked him to keep a darkie coach).

    Minnesota by the way is full of faggots. I would know, I went to school there unfortunately. I once saw a honda civic going down the road with a banner (not a bumper sticker a fucking 4 foot long banner) across his rear (haha) bumper saying “im gay and proud!”. I would think someone so proud would be proud to be called faggot.

    So now comes the time when I rid you, the faggots, of your failed and miserable life. But as my doctor always said, you have to go, go with a dick in your mouth….

  14. vj

    Although we appreciate the freedom of spe ech and opinions expressed on this blog, it is precisely that freedom left unchecked which keeps the blog from being regarded as legit journalism vs rogue journalism…it’s all about integrity if you want to play with the big boys.

    • Phatgzus

      That’s not the only determinant for legitimate journalism; is considered legitimate (albeit only technically), have you seen the comment boards on that site?

      • the real russ letlow

        anonymous comments / postings have allowed quite a few to show false bravado with their strongly worded opinions or criticisms. Most of the cowards wouldn’t say any of the crap they spew in a comments section to you in person, knowing that they would probably get knocked on their ass. I find these scathing criticisms to point to a weak pusillanimous personality. In other words, those who do so are a bunch of pussies.

  15. Deepsky

    Went to a couple Vikings websites yesterday during the day. They were convinced they now had the second best QB in the division, I assume behind Rodgers. I wonder what those clowns are thinking today.

  16. T-Pack

    pusillanimous? Had to look that one up. Nice. hate seeing the Giants win even if it is against the Vikings. Giant fans around here stil think they are winning the SB. Hard to take. Going to that Sunday night game. Would love to see the Giants 1fer by then.

    I love the hypocrisy on this site. Who cares. Most of us all love the Packers and this site gives us a place to just be guys or gals (kate) who can handle some ribbing. Get a set boys and move on.

  17. tedtomato

    What did DD become the packers qb? Only a queer would spew such shit! Stop homo-eroticizing about Aaron..he loves the pussy! Does your partner know you stalk a Green Bay Packers website? Jealous much turd? Its funny seeing your incompetent team and their qb stuggles..skol..stupid kooks on lsd. Karma bitch!

  18. rebelgb

    If the Cleveland, Chicago and Minnesota teams show us one thing, it is how MAJORILY a Franchise QB is. I know that gets said plenty but man. Look at the Packs injuries and the depletion of our starting roster. So why are the Packers still better than these teams? Well besides the fact TT is a genius, the bottom line is Aaron Rodgers.

    I am just scared about who we have next. I mean didnt we have Arodge by this time in Brett’s career? Yikes. Well I have seen on TV that this is supposedly a strong QB class coming out of college fb this year. If that is so I highly recommend TT does something he rarely does: move up in the draft.

    We need to start thinking about life AFTER Arodge. As scary as that sounds.

    • Phatgzus

      Uh, Favre was 35 when they drafted Rodgers (are you actually a fan of this team?); the new contract extension Rodgers signed still won’t be expired by that time. They don’t need to seriously drafting another franchise QB for at least 3-4 years, they definitely don’t need to give away half a dozen picks to draft one next year. If they did that, the new QB would almost be well into his prime before he started a game.

      Dear God, man, chill the fuck out and use your brain.

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