1980s Jay Cutler

Because, Cutty! The Chicago Bears lost a game on Sunday and relinquished their lead to the NFC North (along with the Detroit Lions, who also shit the bed) to the Green Bay Packers. They also lost something else — quarterback Jay Cutler to a sprained vagina.

Cutty! will be out at least four weeks with, oh, a torn groin, which, actually, for Cutler means a torn vagina.

How do you tear your vagina? I don’t know because I don’t have one. But, Cutty!

Cutty! has one! And it’s torn!

So anyway, instead of leading the division until November and giving Chicago Bears fans all kind of hope and then fading badly in the second half and letting the Green Bay Packers win the North, the Bears and their fans can just pack it in now.

No Cutty! No chance.

The Cut had thrown for 1,658 yards, 12 touches and seven picks before going down.

The Bears will now turn to Josh McCown, who will surely lead them to the promised land (according to the Bears fans that haven’t jumped off that bandwagon yet). He’s not to be confused with Chicago Bears legend Cade McNown.

Two different guys.

McCown has played for five teams in 10 NFL seasons… because he’s awesome.

He’s 13-20 as a starter. He’s thrown for 38 career touchdowns and 44 career interceptions.

Oh, also, linebacker Lance Briggs is down for four to six with a shoulder injury.

So, if the Packers can stop losing guys to career-ending injuries every week, we’ve got the division wrapped!

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