Colin Kaepernick

So the king of bloviating, useless, unaware prose, Peter King, got his own site this week. We’re all real excited for his articles about Starbucks and his Starwood Preferred Guest card and he’s probably saving that shit for a good time. However, one of King’s first articles was on San Francisco 49ers quarterback Colin Kaepernick.

It’s the usual bullshit about tattoos, race, etc. You know, shit that Peter King and people like him, who’ve never seen a person of color anywhere other than a football field, would find interesting.

“Oh mah gawd! That boy has tattoos! His momma is white! Oh mah gawd! Peter King, you done go tell it! And let me know what hotel to stay at when I go to Tampa!”

So why am I writing about some shit the hackiest hack in the business wrote about? Because he talks about the Packers game, of course.

First, we all know Kaepernick tore the Green Bay Packers up in the playoffs last year. Ripped them a new asshole, in fact. Embarrassed them. Embarrassed us, because we were so embarrassed by them. Made Dom Capers look like Dom DeLuise… fellating a cannoli.

Kaepernick says the Packers were so clueless — and they should have been, considering the didn’t prepare at all for the 49ers offense — they started yelling at each other.

“It got to a point,” Kaepernick said, “where we could hear [the Packers’ defenders] arguing while we were in our huddle. ‘You’re supposed to do this,’ or ‘You have to do this, then the other.’ At that point, our offense was like, It’s over. As soon as you start turning on your teammates, you’re not going to be productive. You know you have them in the palm of your hands.”

Right. But that’s what happens when your coaches don’t prepare an adequate game plan for you. Guys start trying to coach on the field because no one knows what they’re supposed to be doing. And also, we all know Mike McCarthy and staff are A-1 when it comes to in-game adjustments…

The kings. Best in the business. You beat the Packers out of the gate, they will counter with great coaching adjustments!

That’s a well-known fact around the league, if you didn’t know. In coaching circles, even.