Let’s Not Forget, the Minnesota Vikings Are a Joke!
The Minnesota Vikings. A joke of an organization. A joke of a team. And most importantly, a joke of a fan base. We’ve been reminded of these undeniable facts several times over the past week and now we will remind you.
Recently, I’ve seen several things that just made me stop and laugh. They all involved the Minnesota Vikings. Please, let’s share some guffaws.
The Minnesota Vikings will soon be playing exactly where they belong
In the college ranks! After years of trying to get a new stadium to replace the dump known as the Metrodome (and watching as the much more competent Twins and Gophers football program were able accomplish this very goal), the Vikings are finally getting their own new home. The Hormel Chili Dome will start construction in 2014. One problem — they’re building it in the same place where their old, shitty stadium now stands.
They were going to play their games in the parking lot, but the NFL nixed that idea, which caused Vikings owner Groucho Marks to throw down his cigar in disgust. Now, the Vikings will play their 2014 and 2015 home games in TCF Bank Stadium, which is where the Gophers play. While there, they’re expected to give Indiana a run for worst record in the Big 10.
Christian Ponder Superstar
See, the words Christian Ponder and Jesus Christ are interchangeable for Vikings fans. Just like the words “pig” and “wife.” But really, this Christian Ponder guy is awesome. So awesome, in fact, that he was the only quarterback in the NFL to start all 16 games in 2012 and NOT throw for at least 3,000 yards.
And if you’re the only guy to do something, that puts you in a class by yourself. The Vikings know this and that’s why general manager Rick Spielman is giving Ponder the credit for leading the team to the playoffs last year. Sure, Adrian Peterson had something to do with that, but Ponder had just as much to do with it.
“I give him just as much credit for getting us in the playoffs as Adrian,” Spielman said.
You can see why, right? I mean, take Ponder off that team and there’s no way the Vikings are making the playoffs!
Adrian Peterson has realistic goals
Adrian Peterson is a beast. No doubt about that (good thing he has Christian Ponder, though). He rushed for over 2,000 yards in 2012. What does he want to do in 2013?
Rush for 2,500 yards. That’s totally doable.
All Peterson has to do is average just over 156 yards per game. He topped that number five times in 2012. So, he’ll just have to do it 11 more times in 2013. O.J. Simpson — Adrian’s role model for football and life — authored the highest per game average in NFL history in 1973, when he rushed for just over 143 yards per game.
This will be a historic season in Minnesota all around though. One where records that have rarely even been approached will be blown out of the water! Why? Because it’s all coming together!
“I want a couple rings,” Peterson said. “We’ve got to start at one and we need to get that one this year. We have the potential to get to the Super Bowl and win. It’s just all about coming together.”
You’ll be a laughingstock no more, Minnesota!
Not after this year!
- You’ll Be Glad to Know Christian Ponder will Remain a Viking
- Sad Christian Ponder Has Put His House Up For Sale
- Matt Cassel is the Minnesota Vikings Man!
- The Metrodome is Finally Dead!
- Hooray! The Metrodome Blew Up Yesterday