Lance Easley

Your good buddy and mine, Lance Easley, wants to remind everyone again of what a dickbag he is. As usual, he’s succeeded.

If that name isn’t ringing a bell for you, we’re talking about the turd who blew the final call of the Green Bay Packers “loss” to the Seattle Seahawks back in September. He’s in the news again because, well, even though he’s a swell Christian fellow who just wants to get on with his life, he’s gone and agreed to let someone run another self-serving story about him.

This time the outlet is the Seattle Post Intelligencer, who brought Easley to Seattle to relive his moment of pure, unadulterated shitheadedness. It’s unclear if he made them pay for the story.

Here are some highlights of Easley’s latest plea for attention.

On how he was more concerned about the media reaction than getting the play call correct:

“I get over there, they’re so tied up and tangled up, arms all wrapped around. Nobody could pull it away, equal strength. Then I looked at my back judge who was there, Derrick (Rhone-Dunn) — we looked at each other and I’m thinking: ‘Oh, OK. The media, if we don’t sell this thing, they’re going to crucify us.’ Because if we stop and talk about it, they’re just gonna go, ‘These idiots, they don’t know what they’re doing’ — just like they were all through the whole (lockout).

“I looked at his eyes, he looked at me. He looked down, he saw the same thing I had, so there was really nothing else we could do. So bang, I go up with (the touchdown signal). His hands go up and he does ‘stop clock.’ That was so we could talk about it; he and I talked about it afterwards. But my ruling was official. And I knew, after I made that call, I knew that if I erred it was going to replay, they’ll resolve it there. So then I just had to break up the players and deal with the chaos that came afterwards.”

On how Golden Tate getting one hand on the ball makes it qualify as a catch:

“I can’t do anything about it. There’s nothing I can change about that call,” Easley said. “And I can’t. I can’t change it, and I wouldn’t because I’ve looked at the replay several times. And according to Sports Illustrated (photos) his hand was on the ball first, so by rule, Tate was the first one to control it. Even though it was one hand. That’s where the looseness is in that rule.”

And then here’s the part you’re sure to love the most. Easley is more than happy to profit off being a fucking imbecile. Did you even know that was possible? Usually people are unable to make money or even hold a job if when they lack things such as common sense or the ability to read and write. Not Lance Easley!

He’s trying to be a motivational speaker. We’re guessing his theme will be something like, “Look at me, I’m a total and complete shitbag without a modicum of intelligence and you’re actually paying me to stand here and talk. Anything is possible!”

Easley is also releasing a book, “Making the Call: Living with Your Decisions.” The alternate title was “Deluding Yourself into Believing You Have Self Worth Even When You’re a Total Piece of Shit.”

And of course, Easley is working on two football-themed documentaries, one of which will detail his return home after his transformation into the biggest fuck up in the history of fuck ups.

So, be sure to run out and buy all of those things.

Oh, and by the way, had that play been called correctly the Packers would have hosted the 49ers in the divisional playoffs. Of course, they would have needed to play with 15 guys on defense for that to really have made any difference.

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