Chicago Bears toilet

The Green Bay Packers play the Chicago Bears this weekend with a chance to win the NFC North. You should be prepared, so here are a litany of Chicago Bears jokes.

If you’ve got your own, leave them in the comments.

Want to hear a Bears joke?
Jay Cutler

What is the difference between a Bears fan and a baby?
A baby will stop whining after awhile.

What’s the difference between Soldier Field and a porcupine?
The pricks are on the outside of a porcupine.

How many Chicago Bears does it take to change a tire?
One, unless it’s a blowout, in which case they all show up

How do you stop an Chicago Bears fan from beating his wife?
Dress her in Green and Gold

What is the difference between a bucket of shit and an Chicago Bears fan?
The bucket

Why do Chicago Bears fans keep their season tickets on their dashboards?
So they can park in handicap spaces

Why doesn’t Springfield have a professional football team?
Because then Chicago would want one

What do you call 53 rich guys sitting around watching the Super Bowl?
The Chicago Bears

What did Jay Cutler get on his Wonderlic test?
Drool

Why do the trees in Wisconsin lean to the south?
Because the Vikings blow and the Bears suck.

What’s the best thing to come out of Chicago?
I-94

———

The Seven Dwarfs were marching through the forest one day and they fell in a deep, dark ravine. Snow White, who was following along, peered over the edge of the steep chasm and called out to the fallen dwarfs. From the depths of the dark hole a voice returned, “The Bears are going to win the Super Bowl!”

Snow White thought to herself, “Thank God… at least Dopey survived!”

———

On the first day of school the teacher explained to her class that she’s a Chicago Bears fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they’re Bears fans. Everyone in the class raises their hand except one girl. The teacher looks at the girl with surprise, “Janie, why didn’t you raise your hand?”

“Because I’m not a Bears fan,” she replied. The teacher, still shocked, asked, “Well, if you aren’t a Bears fan, then who are you a fan of?”

“I am a Packers fan,” the girl replied. The teacher could not believe her ears. “Janie please tell us why you’re a Packers fan?”

“Because my mom is a Packers fan, and my dad is Packers fan, so I’m a Packers fan too!”

“Well,” said the teacher in a obviously annoyed tone, “that’s no reason for you to be a Packers fan. You don’t have to be just like your parents all of the time. What if your mom was an idiot and your dad was a moron, what would you be then?”

“I’d be a Bears fan,” she said.

———

A Chicago Bears football fan was almost killed in a tragic horse accident. He fell from the horse and was nearly trampled to death.

Thank God the manager of the K-Mart came out and unplugged it.

———

A man goes to the Chicago Bears ticket office and inquires about purchasing playoff tickets. The ticket teller replies that there weren’t any tickets for sale because the Bears did not make it to the playoffs.

The following day the same man goes to the Chicago Bears ticket office and inquires about purchasing Bears playoff tickets. The ticket teller politely replies that there weren’t any tickets for sale because the Bears did not make it to the playoffs.

This goes on for an entire week. The man goes to the Bears ticket office inquiring about play-off tickets and the teller says none are for sale because the Bears did not make it to the playoffs.

This goes on for another week, with the same man asking the ticket teller about Bears playoff tickets. Finally the ticket teller yells, “I’VE TOLD YOU FOR THE LAST TWO WEEKS THERE ARE NOT ANY TICKETS AVAILABLE BECAUSE THE THE BEARS DID NOT MAKE THE PLAYOFFS!”

The man replied, “I know. I drive all the way from Green Bay just to hear you say that!”

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