Packers vs. 49ers: What to Watch For
Who’s not going to play?
James Starks, Jamari Lattimore and Davon House for the Packers. House is the only potential starter of the bunch. The 49ers will probably be without returner Ted Ginn and running back Brandon Jacobs. Ginn’s absence means Kyle Williams will be returning punts. He’s the guy who fumbled two in the NFC Championship game last season.
Who should I bet on?
Shit. It’s the first week of the season and we know nothing about anyone. The Packers are five-point favorites. If I had to, I’d take the 49ers, but only because I think it’s going to be a close game.
What to watch for
Marshall Newhouse’s ass — He just might get it handed to him. Newhouse is the Packers weakest offensive lineman and he’ll be facing two of the league’s better pass rushers on Sunday — Justin Smith and Aldon Smith. Justin, the defensive end, had 7.5 sacks last season. Aldon, the linebacker, had 14. Newhouse got handled by top-tier pass rushers last season. Sunday will tell us if he improved at all.
Randy Moss being a dick — That’s right. This turd is back in the NFL with the 49ers after retiring for a year. Remember when he was with the Vikings and fake mooned the crowd in Lambeau? Yeah, that was awesome. Moss is definitely older, but we doubt he’s any smarter. If Ken Stills came flying out of nowhere and leveled Moss after the whistle like he was a member of the ’85 Bears, we wouldn’t bat an eye.
The white kid — Even though he had more than 1,200 yards receiving last season, Jordy Nelson still doesn’t get any respect. In fact, his teammates are still playing the “white guy” card for him. Like, “Nobody thinks Jordy is a good receiver because he’s white.” Well, Jordy is a good receiver in spite of being white, but you can bet the 49ers will be paying closer attention to Greg Jennings and Jermichael Finley. That’s total reverse racism! If Jordy were on my fantasy team, he’d damn sure be in the starting lineup this week.
Jim Harbaugh self-combusting — The 49ers boss is a good coach, but people also forget — he’s a complete and total dick. There was the incident when he was at Stanford and got in a confrontation with then-USC coach Pete Carroll after the Cardinal unnecessarily ran up the score on SC. Then there was the game in Detroit last season when Harbaugh went at a douchebag of equal measure, Lions’ coach Jim Schwartz, after the game. The two had to be separated. Let’s also never forget Harbaugh’s most famous play as quarterback of the Chicago Bears — the audible. I’d love to see the Packers run up the score on the 49ers just to hear what dick statement Harbaugh would make after the game.
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