It came in the mail on a Monday. And then I was an owner of the Green Bay Packers.

That’s right, this is what $275 down the tubes looks like. However — and they don’t tell you this in the book or in the letter from Mark Murphy — when you own this stupid piece of paper you can do the following things:

  1. Wow broads by telling them you own an NFL franchise (already did that last night — worked like gangbusters!)
  2. Yell louder than normal at the television when the Packers fuck up because, hey, I’m a fuckin’ owner!
  3. Ring 1265 when Ted makes a move that’s disagreeable and yell, “Get me Ted on the phone, now!”
  4. Show up at the shareholders meeting with no pants on.
  5. Steal Aaron Rodgers’ broad because, hey, what’s he gonna do, fire me?

I’m pretty sure there are other things that come with the privileges of ownership and when we figure out what they are, we’ll let you know.