Jared Allen Likes Touching Other Dudes’ Junk
How the hell we missed this, I’m not quite sure.
It could be because the Minnesota Vikings are downright atrocious this season and absolutely no one is paying attention to them. It could be because Jared Allen is a stupid hillbilly and we could care less if he drives his ’85 Camaro off the side of a cliff.
Whatever it is, Vikings defensive end Jared Allen punched Atlanta Falcons defensive end and former teammate Ray Edwards right in the nuts. At the time, Allen was filling in as the Vikings long snapper for injured teammate Cullen Loeffler.
Well, he explained himself today. As you’d expect, there was brilliant rationale at work.
“Ray is obviously a former teammate and friend of mine. I told him before the snap that he’s known for blowing up the long snapper on the field goal.
“So I told him: ‘You run me over here, I’m going to punch you square in your wiener, dude.’”
Square in the wiener. I didn’t know anyone called it a wiener anymore.
Oh yeah, we’re talking about Jared Allen. Never mind.