Devin Hester

I will be returning kicks for the Chicago Bears next season.

Man, I don’t even know where to begin.

As someone who can actually string a comprehensible sentence together, I’m offended.

There’s a magazine called Chicago Parent and someone there decided it would be a good idea to give Chicago Bears returner Devin Hester a column in said magazine. Hester’s first column just came out and… uh… yeah… it’s fucking literary gold.

Before I even get into the column itself, can you guess what the guy who thinks a crossing pattern is a fly pattern named his kid?

You only get one guess.

Yup.

That’s right.

Devin.

He seems to like calling him lil Devin, which you’ll see if you put yourself through the torture of reading big Devin’s column.

Here’s a sample.

Something tells me little Dev is just going to be climbing on the fire truck, but that’s cool, too. He’s getting to where he’s tough to run down, so he’ll keep me on my toes.

While at Navy Pier, there’s a great place for a family dinner. Capi’s Italian Kitchen offers Make Your Own Pizza parties, and then you get all-day admission to the museum after that. It’s a pretty cool way to spend the day, and it’s a pretty decent price, too.

Hmmm…

Poetic.

Insightful.

Brilliant.

As they say in Chicago, Hest is the best. Obviously his talents extend to the literary arena.

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