Black Eyed Peas

The punchline to a joke.

It’s come to my attention the Black Eyed Peas will be performing during the Super Bowl XLV halftime show, which makes me throw up in my mouth a little.

If there were ever a bigger group of sellouts, I’m not aware of them and I don’t use that term lightly.

You see, I used to think bands like Green Day and Metallica were sellouts. Hard-edged music brought them fame and notoriety and then they softened their sound just to hit a wider audience, was my ignorant line of thinking. I later realized they were pretty talented musicians who had evolved beyond their early roots (although Metallica hasn’t released anything worth a shit since the black album).

The Black Eyed Peas, on the other hand, are a joke.

They used to be one of my favorite hip-hop groups. After their first two albums, the Black Eyed Peas were the heir to the throne occupied by A Tribe Called Quest, in my mind.

They blended smooth rhythms, catchy, yet socially-conscious lyrics, smooth flows and made some great jams. ‘Joints & Jams’ from their 1998 debut, Behind the Front, and ‘Lil Lil’ from their 2000 sophomore release, Bridging the Gap, were personal favorites.

And then it all went to shit.

In 2003, the band released Elephunk, which unbeknownst to most of their fan base, would introduce a fourth member of the group.

Fergie.

My first, and correct, reaction to this new lineup was — why mess with something that’s worked so well up to this point?

I’ll tell you why. So they could make pop shit that appeals to the mindless masses, whose tastes consist of what they’re force fed on the radio and at the mall.

Goal: accomplished.

The Black Eyed Peas are bigger than ever, today.

Could they have achieved this sort of success with their original three members? Probably not. Tribe never achieved mass commercial success and Q-Tip has more talent in his pinky than all four of these yahoos put together.

While they were on their way to getting filthy rich, the Black Eyed Peas also succeeded in making some of the shittiest music the tasteful individual has ever heard.

They also completely ignore the music that brought them to the party. If you go to a Black Eyed Peas concert in hopes of hearing Joints & Jams, you’ll be disappointed. To these Black Eyed Peas, those first two albums no longer exist.

These guys aren’t just sellouts. They’re the definition of the word.

For that, I have no respect.

They may want to pretend they never made Behind the Front or Bridging the Gap, but they can fuck off.

I give you the Black Eyed Peas when they were real. You certainly won’t be seeing them at the Super Bowl.