Adrian Peterson And His Girl Bladder Will Not Save Your Job

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Adrian Peterson

Minnesota Vikings running back Adrian Peterson has a tiny, girl bladder and like all Minnesota Vikings, a cold, cold heart.

Apparently, Peterson and his little girl bladder had to piss so badly he stood outside a McDonald’s drive-thru at 3 a.m. and asked to be let into the store. The assistant manager, who was working this god-awful shift complied, because, well, Adrian Peterson fucking asked.

While the drive-thru was open for all the drunks roving around the Twin Cities killing people, the dining room was not, so, McDonald’s, being the upstanding operation they are, canned the woman for breaking the rules.


“He’s a public figure… I know him better than some of the maintenance people that come in and out,” she explained. “I never thought in a million years that that decision was going to cost me my career.”

Career… haha… haha…

Anyway, the woman, who had been working at McDonald’s for seven years, tried to reach out to Peterson to help her get her job back. Peterson scoffed at her stupid request and didn’t bother to pay it any attention.

Of course, once the local media got a hold of the story, the idiots who are fattening up our children like they’re pigs being lead to slaughter, had no choice but to give the woman her job back.

So, at least there’s that.

Let this be a lesson to all of you.

Never trust a Minnesota Viking and never, ever, under any circumstance help one because they will only spit on you and your pithy existence.

(Via Guyism)

About The Author

Monty McMahon is one of the founders of Total Packers. He is probably the most famous graduate of UW-Oshkosh next to Jim Gantner.

10 Comments on "Adrian Peterson And His Girl Bladder Will Not Save Your Job"

  1. Randomacity

    Are you an idiot Monty? I have not heard at all that Peterson ‘scoffed’ at the woman, where’d you read that? Read it right you idiot. Respect AP, the vikings can suck it though. I love the GB Pack, but comon’, you have to respect AP.

  2. hillsdale

    any references buddy (on the scoffing part that is), oh i forgot, this is just a propaganda blog. Note the word “classy”. Does the f-word fall under classy? sounds a bit hypocritical. Finally, any rational person would consider A.P. one of the classiest players in the league and I’m sure he plays a part in his many fundraisers because he has a “cold, cold, heart”.

  3. Derek Vogel

    hahahah, i think it’s funny how people take this article so seriously. Cmon people!!!! This guy writes all the articles, therefore, his house rules. Personally I’ve loved the articles, and have been following them promptly since January when I discovered this website. Well done chief.

    P.S. just because an article is talking about something, doesn’t mean you have to take everything to heart. re-read half of these articles with an anticipated sense of humor and they will be much, much more enjoyable.

    – Vogel

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