Don’t Mess With Jared Allen’s Girlfriend, Just Wear His Jersey When Committing Crimes

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You know how much we love Minnesota Vikings’ defensive end and dumbass redneck Jared Allen, so we really couldn’t resist bringing you the latest news from the Sax Machine.

First, comes this video in which you’ll see Allen utter these words: “I’ll break your fucking neck homeboy … and then I’ll write a check to your fucking name too.”

Before you go off on what a douche Jared Allen is – and believe us, his douchiness is immeasurable – he did have reason to be so pissed off. You see, Allen and his woman were in the Grapevine in Scottsdale, AZ a couple weeks ago, when apparently a patron called Allen’s woman a cunt.

Allen’s response is appropriate considering the situation. The real question is this – what the hell is a guy who’s been suspended by the NFL for violating its substance abuse policy doing in a bar anyway?

Then again, the Vikings only employ the dumbest motherfuckers in the league, so I guess it shouldn’t come as a surprise.


On a secondary note, let’s take a quick look at what kind of people are Jared Allen fans.

In a word, criminals.

Take a look at this ad for Pennsylvania gubernatorial candidate Anthony Hardy Williams. The ad advocates tougher gun laws. In it, you’ll see a gun-toting thug walking through an alley and later getting arrested.

Notice what he’s wearing.

That’s right, a Jared Allen jersey.

Via Sports By Brooks.


About The Author

Monty McMahon is one of the founders of Total Packers. He is probably the most famous graduate of UW-Oshkosh next to Jim Gantner.

9 Comments on "Don’t Mess With Jared Allen’s Girlfriend, Just Wear His Jersey When Committing Crimes"

  1. Steffie

    Wow, your whole credibility totally went out the window. Nice one sided commentary. Who’s the douche bag calling out the douche bag. YOu’re so stupid. I don’t even like sports but Allen has done so much more beyond wearing the colors of MN and actually serving his community and the veterans of war holding charities and sponsorships.

    Do your research you ignorant ass.

    Tequila~ you’re stupid too. Doesn’t take much for a man to do what he can to push another man’s button because that’s what men do. Clearly…said article shows the amazingness of ignorance of men.

  2. amy

    are you for real.. I’m a fan and i’m a mother of two not a criminal… didn’t your mother teach you if you don’t have something nice to say then don’t say anything… well if she didn’t i’ll tell you shut the fuck up

  3. Matt

    Really? A Packer fan calling someone a redneck as if that term has a negative connotation attached to it in Cheesehead land? How can a true Sconnie NOT be a fan of a badass outdoorsman? I guess its your way of working through the fact that girly-haired Gay Matthews is your best defensive player.

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