I about crapped right in my pants when I read this headline from the Chicago Tribune. You ready for this?

“Is Jay Cutler the second coming of Tom Brady?”

That’s a real headline.

Seriously.

My sides hurt from laughing.

Anyway, in this brilliant article Rick Morrissey deftly explains why Cutler, the Chicago Bears savior, may just be the next Tom Brady. I mean, as if it weren’t obvious.

The surprising thing has been Cutler’s ability to make the delicate pass. No one told us a cannon could dispense velvet projectiles. He has been so precise at times you get the feeling he could throw a football through a moving mail slot.

The standard thinking is Cutler is the second coming of Brett Favre and thus must be given room to use all his considerable talents. That means big risks, big rewards and lots of excitement, some of which the Bears could do without. But after the last two games, he looks more like the second coming of Tom Brady.

Ah, so what you’re saying then is that Cutler is actually playing like an NFL quarterback should play, instead of forcing the ball and throwing 4 interceptions per game like he did against the Green Bay Packers in week one?

That, Rick, is brilliant logic!

Just so we have this straight, in your mind this is what’s going on:

1. Starting NFL quarterback makes the throws he’s supposed to make
2. Starting NFL quarterback doesn’t force the football into coverage
3. Starting NFL quarterback doesn’t throw multiple interceptions per game

End result: Starting NFL quarterback is the next Tom Brady!

Yes, I see how you might arrive at that conclusion.

Let’s take a look around the NFL then, and make a list of who else the next Tom Brady is. All of these quarterbacks have fewer interceptions than Cutler (5) and have played in all 3 games.

Philip Rivers, Peyton Manning, Tom Brady (although something tells me he already is the next Tom Brady), Kurt Warner, Ben Roethlisberger, Dree Brews, Joe Flacco, Matt Schaub, Jason Campbell, Eli Manning, Tony Romo, Aaron Rodgers, Kyle Orton (oooooooh!), Matt Ryan, Kerry Collins, David Garrard, Carson Palmer, Matt Sanchez, Trent Edwards, Byron Leftwich, Brett Favre, Shaun Hill, Chad Pennington, Brady Quinn, Jamarcus Russell, Marc Bulger

So there you have it, Rick. The list of quarterbacks who are doing pretty much the same thing as Jay “The Next Tom Brady” Cutler.

Let me tell you what Cutler is: a mouth breather.

Heres your next Tom Brady, folks!

Here's your next Tom Brady, folks!

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