Vikings Fans vs. Cubs Fans

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I’m going to go a little off topic today.

First, it’s goddam near Memorial Day, and I’m in a summer sort of mood. Second, the Milwaukee Brewers are one of the hottest teams in baseball, and while the Brewers are not the Green Bay Packers, they are the #1 baseball team here at Total Packers.

Today, I saw a funny graphic about the Chicago Cubs over at Manolith, which chronicles the past 100 years of futility. As most of us know, Cubs fans are scumbags and don’t deserve to ever win another World Series as long as the game of baseball is played.

This got me thinking – what’s worse, a Minnesota Vikings fan or a Chicago Cubs fan?

Before I analyze this important and puzzling question, take a look at this awesomeness.


First, I know you’re wondering – how can I even compare Cubs fans with Vikings fans? The Vikings are the scum of the NFL, and their fans are ignorant assholes. This is true, but…

In the latter years of County Stadium the Brewers moved into the National League (1997), where they would begin facing the Cubs on a regular basis. What I most remember from this time is the Brewers sucked, County Stadium was a dump and Cubs fans began their regular trips to Milwaukee to dump beer on Brewers fans from the upper deck and generally kick us while we were down.

Thankfully, things changed. Miller Park opened in 2001. The Brewers became competitive under the ownership of Mark Attanasio.

The one thing that didn’t change, is that shitbag Cubs fans kept driving up to Milwaukee to dump beer on Brewers fans, talk shit, start fights, and generally be the fucking scumbags that they are.

And, well, if you spend any time on this blog, you know damn well how we feel about Vikings fans. To be succinct, they are the lowest form of professional football fan there is.

Their team has never won shit, yet they pretend like they have. Their knowledge of the game is limited, yet they think they know everything. They’ll take every opportunity to point out the faults and shortcomings of your team, but will admit none of their own.

I feel like I’m holding up a mirror with no glass, with a Cubs fan on one side and a Vikings fan on the other, when I compare these two breeds of pond scum. The main difference is that one is purple and one is blue. Fittingly, neither has won shit in the past 100 years.

The only reason that Vikings fans aren’t a clear cut winner in this battle of the anti-titans, is they at least have the good sense to stay the fuck out of Lambeau Field, which signals a minute intelligence that Cubs fans don’t seem to possess.

So, I’ll leave it for you to decide, but first, some photographic evidence.

I paint my facial hair on because I can't grow my own. I also just shit in my pants.

Cubs fan

Where are my shoes?! Where are they?! Are they on the field?!

Vikings fan

I am homeless and am wearing all of my clothes right now. I will pee in this cup later, and then drink it.

Cubs fan

After I beat you with this shovel and stab you with this screwdriver, I'm upgrading my phone to yours!

I get mad pussy. I also made another hole between this Bear's legs after the game because, as I said, I get mad pussy.

Cubs fans

Ronnie and Barry later got married in an intimate ceremony in Maine. The bat was never seen again.


About The Author

Monty McMahon is one of the founders of Total Packers. He is probably the most famous graduate of UW-Oshkosh next to Jim Gantner.

2 Comments on "Vikings Fans vs. Cubs Fans"

  1. krh

    GREAT work Monty…here’s to another 100 years of scrubs futility and someone jamming that viking horn up ragnar’s behind.

    F the bears!

  2. Jim

    One time I was all the way in texas and I saw a homeless guy in a Chester Taylor jersey begging for food at a BBQ. I didn’t want to be a dick and take his picture or else I’d send it to you. Man this guy was nasty.

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