It’s official. The Kansas City Chiefs have traded last year’s NFL sack leader Jared Allen to the Minnesota Vikings.
Who gets what?
First, Green Bay Packers fans get a villainous hillbilly to despise and curse on Sundays. Forget Chris Hovan, Jack Del Rio or any of the thugs who have donned the Vikings’ horns. Jared Allen is a next level douchebag.
It looks like the Chiefs get Minnesota’s first and second-round picks. I guess the Vikings accepted the fact that they fuck up every single draft and it was probably better to just jettison the picks instead of embarrassing themselves again.
The Vikings, meanwhile, get Jared Allen, his off-the-field problems (was the Love Boat that long ago?), half-assed mullet, and one of the largest defensive contracts ever for their books.
Look, I don’t know what Allen’s Wonderlic score was, but he’s an idiot and a douche and we’ll love to hate him. He does a little dance after every tackle or sack, his #69 jersey is completely on purpose and he probably still thinks it’s funny.
I predict that he’ll endear himself to the Minnesota faithful by bad mouthing the Green and Gold shortly after he arrives.
Welcome to the NFC North Jared.